WWL>Topics>>The secrets of raising children in a happy, stress-free environment

The secrets of raising children in a happy, stress-free environment

Jun 27, 2017|

Jason Hawes & JV Johnson chat with Dr. Marion Forgatch about the secrets of raising children in an ever-increasingly complex world. WHile this is a departure from the normal paranormal topics, it is important enough that all attention is turned to the most important people in our lives - our children. 6/27/2017 - Beyond Reality Radio with Jason Hawes & JV Johnson

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Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

I cannot be owned by scientific method. You're six. Send him tall and. Creature that's been seen my many little life you know. And de Ferran good morning mining boom Herron online inning and news features and yeah me. He lying then yeah real mania apple is lying game. It also shape shifting mentioned you. My experience it's an experience. Error. RL radio can't song Jimmie Johnson so pretend every along tonight it's going to be another great show we return with Marian for gash. She's an author. A doctor and has written a book about parenting and this is something that we haven't had talked about at all really on the program but. We're excited to talk about it tonight because Saddam everybody mom virtually everybody has the trials and tribulations of being a parent. And down you know is not an easy jobs probably one of the most difficult jobs in the world yet it's one of the jobs that you don't really have to do anything special to qualified. Well a couple of things you have to do but I'm either way that's organ to chat about tonight. We've got some great stuff coming up in the coming days those who don't forget like tomorrow night we've got Angus dimsdale joining us he's the son of Tim is Tim didn't stale. Who's the famed Nazi hunter he. Search from the Loch Ness Monster from the years 1960 through 1987. And he was present during the hunt for a nasty that was that was pretty infamous then 197071. LB talking about the latest on the hunt for the lot. Next ness monster on and also his book called the man who filmed Massey which is about. His father's the search for the monster and then Wednesday night doctor Barbie breath it will joining us she's an experienced teacher a published author a prophetic dream. Interpreter. And healing minister she's that released God's love. His presence and breath in prisons hospitals streets Europe's Third World nations television radio. In the Internet in her deepest desires to see people fulfill their unique destiny here on earth. Barbie's training resources and personal ministry of help others to interpret and apply the direction god gives them through encounters dreams and visions. And now Barbie will be discussing her books her prophetic voice and what it's like to be healing ministry and then to round the week off on Thursday Jeff margin was an attorney at law. And a member of the California and Washington State bars will join us will be discussing his ancestor. Each H homes and anybody who knows anything about serial killers and know that name. On the book is called blood stains in this new television series. Ina the American or the History Channel called American ripper. And be chatting about all that that's coming up and during the week we're gonna take a break when we come back we'll bring our guest in. Marian for gadgets beyond reality radio. A game scary time might be over for this year but there's another scare economy works you owe it to yourself to check out the details go to scary time dot com that's Garrick con. Dot com sign up for the email list and be informed you need to know what's going on with scary con because it's the best weekend of the year scare coming clean celebrities fans. Vendors parties panel discussions film premieres and so much more it's a weekend you'll never forget if everyone is welcome visit the website scary kind dot com that's scary con dot com. Johnson and let me bring her. Yes Stan we're talking with doctor Marion for the action she's the author of a book called breezing cooperative kids proven practices for connected. Happy family doctor forget welcome to beyond reality real great to have you on the show tonight. Yet we are we have so many questions because. I think the key to you know utopia is is a happy family and happy kids but it's not something that comes very easily as it. No it did tonight quote I think. Wee bit in myth that everybody knows batteries kids if it is easy to do. And what is it about. Parenting that its its seems so much easier to tell other people how to act. It does to actually parent your own kids. Well I'm not sure it's easy to tell other people how to parent either we all have our. Theory. They'll have different value about what is happy connected Stanley. And I I agree with that my family were very close family a tight knit family and and I think that that's important but I have friends out there that that I'll see there there. Just for whatever reason they don't seem to connect with the with their children there's. There's a lot of tension always it's going on a lot of yelling you know people to give their kids are just off the wall and then they don't they don't seem to have any control or. Where the child is immune seem to have any respect so it's it's just there's there's this these issues that are really that are that are out there there's a lot of problems with. With just being a connected family being close knit family and and just having respect didn't. And listening to Richard. And I think what happens if it got a wee bit and it's stressful world and when we're stress. We strike out we're theoretical work grouchy we say. Things that we probably shouldn't say and that can fit into. A coercive process in which. Somebody says something negative. And somebody else three I think kind. And then you have escalation. You know it gets more and more and more intensive until somebody gets the last well. And gave way in that little conflict that. And it becomes a pattern of interacting with each other. The way that we work is to try teach parents how two. But boy those courses interactions. And poke some more positive ways. Getting along with him. So in other words also not always in and with what you're just saying there always seems to be a situation where somebody's got to get the last word in the last date the last little jab. And it's trying to and I've seen eyed idealist. Some might it's a twin thirteen year old so. There's always if you know of course what I what I have a disagreement with the one the other one backs him up no matter what he could be wrong or whatever but the twins are they back each other which is great but there's always that the back and forth it's. And you say something and they got to say something at the end it's it's always they have to have the last word and so trying to keep yourself from that scenario because. A lot of times those situations in a scene in those situations. Or what gets heated it really blow up to become a major issue going on. You know one of the things that. We have done is to observe Stanley. But certainly is interacting in their home. And served kids playing on the playground or working in this courtroom. And outlook we find is especially intently. The longer one of those little conflict outskirts the more likely violence is to work her. Well it's a good idea to number one avoid them in number two when you get into them. Get out. Well when you when you say violence occurs do you mean more when they're dealing with other children there Ager do you mean in the household there's not a all right so it can lead to a problem where a parent is actually some striking a child not often. Or the kids hit. Six the parent the parent hits in it if it escalates into. A difficult. Problem. Well I think and I think it's totally see that as a child to grow up and that's head of household. I I can see that and especially that that whole issue of a costly and analyze jab him and somebody saying something to infuriate the other person. Even more on now do you think a lot of the problems this can be going on. This stay NH over the last decade has anything to also do with. This disconnect that that a lot of families have the children and the parents because are always on electronics even though they're sitting next to each other they're they're sitting on their phone sitting in their ipads are doing this. And they're just not interacting as as people. Well I think that that is that's another issue. There is. Yeah I think that's and other issues television. Was the precursor to be current collect electronic stage. Start earlier. It starts with. What what if you think about what would you like. That happy connected Stanley one. What would you like to gays in your family when you go home for dinner. What you'd like to eat but what kind of atmosphere would you like to have in your. Okay is is is that a question urged because like the atmosphere I'd like to have is of course come home. Interact with with the children and the wife from you know just just be connected just. Honestly hang out socialized and find out how their day was just really interact. And I suspect that a lot of us want that so the case so that thing is that's a cool. And so then what you need to do this to figure out how to make that happen. And in the bracket that about how to make this happen step by step. He started out by having Nicole actually. Titles. Each chapters are songs. In the first chapter is imagine. And that's about. Connection. When he dreams what are your goals and that's in the Stanley say you really want my hat. And then Gary steps to make that happen. So. With with the issue on electronics. And can set. You can set limits for wind electronics take place and you can make an answer went Stanley will be together and communicating. Doctor let's back this up political we've covered a lot of ground very very quickly on before we get into this too much more deeply and Telus. About yourself and you know what your research has banned and death I actually got involved in this to begin with. Best in the seventies but I got it up. At the university. And it was the kind of flat. Research assistants. And what I did woods to videotape. Interactions of couples. So perfectly problem stomping it with setup. It was a steady at marital conflict. And how to resolve it. And I hate list making videotapes but he's huge old machine. I think they were in inch. He split technology and our rate. Heard and and that's stared at me. That this had. What if it what happens between couples when they're trying to solve the problem. What happened was they looked like that in light. Yoon said such and such a light didn't it with your fire up because. In theory was somebody said something negative. And there was an escalation into war. Well. My mentor. Who later became my husband Jerry Patterson. Eat developed coding system and also worked on marital therapy. And I would videotaping the therapy sessions because. We studied everything in terms set. Somebody did something in what happened Dexter and what happens next. So I thought that they were doing magic. And I wanted to learn to do that so I would back to school and I got a Ph.D. And followed at both a clinical and research. Act. Does. The formula for putting. Together. Welcoming him back it up. East that you observed parents arguing. Does that process in any way in this conflict does that conflict the process is and I think we've all done it I think I don't think there's anybody who's raise kids with a partner that hasn't had that conflict frequent. Is that part of of of of the actual. Parroting process or is that something you're saying needs to be removed from motive process to make it healthy went. It needs to be negotiated. So. Couples disagree about. Certain issues on raising kids and one of the big able to get it how much time being considered to have. One parent thinks that it should have less in the other and so they disagree. But what wouldn't suggest is Haywood is a reasonable goal. Negotiate compromise. Set that call and try it out. And see how that work and then if that works well if it doesn't work well change it. But that you decide. You do inside your course through life besides your family where. And and then make a plan and make it happen. We're talking with doctor Marion for a catch author of a book called breezy cooperative kids proven practices for a connected happy family. Doctor Jason had mentioned it earlier in the discussion and we kind of glow glanced on and again on the screen time was the word you used during the phrase. We are in a in increasingly electronic world we are. It's in some ways more connected than we never have then but then another way is far more disconnected than we ever have that. You said TV was the precursor to what we're seeing with cell phones and ipads and all that and and that the difference IC between. Television and these other devices is that I remember as a kid you know. Everybody sitting down on the couch shed 8 o'clock on a Thursday to watch whatever that show happen to be at the time and we did it as a family but would these devices. It's kind of everybody seems to be segment and everybody's in the wrong rumor their own part of the house doing their own little thing so. While there similarities is still a lot of differences is there. Oh yes I I it was just precursor. I mean people used to. People used to play cards together before television. It. Yes Stanley game night right. Yeah and my family was a big card playing him leaving even now you know with the electronics we use bug get together whether it was extended family or just my sister and my parents and that would play cards couple times a week really really enjoyed and had to miss them very much but. You were gonna take a quick break. When we come back lol I continue our conversation with doctor Marian for gadgets it's an interesting one it's beyond reality radio Jason NGV don't forget to stop by the FaceBook page. Give it a light hits just. Beyond reality rating on FaceBook. They beyond reality radio friends and you know most of the guests featured on beyond reality Radiohead books and other interesting offerings for our listeners and now we've made it even easier for you to get ahold of them just visit the beyond reality read your web. Get beyond reality radio dot com and click on the gas tab in then you better from there you'll see reasons beyond reality radio guests with a short find help and some of the things they're offering are beyond reality radio listeners hooked on whatever you're interested in into the order straight from there it could. Be easier that's beyond reality radio dot com click on the gas tab in the menu and then simply sit back enjoy beyond reality. Don't forget that's beyond reality radio dot com just click on the guest menu headings. And then you'll find what you want and thanks for listening to beyond reality radio. It's beyond reality radio Jason on Stevie Johnson thinks different. Ready for joining us with delisting and one of the great radio stations across the country this carrying the program. Or you're listening online welcome to all of you tonight we're talking with doctor Marian for catch about recent kids something that to mean a beat her almost certainly see who's Karl. For some people at some times and it's it's a great discussion and before we went to break we are talking about. Just to the things we did or do lead before the electronic age you know we've before the days where everybody had a phone that they were staring into almost. You know all of their waking hours or before they had a computer on her lap or on their desk or before they had an iPad that they're playing games on her whatever happens to be we did a lot of things that required a lot more interaction. But I am I remember in an endless times is a kid and we would mean honestly is near there were only three channels you ever had any anyways or ABC CBS and and BC the fact of the matter is it was most most times we when he returned TV arm wayward kids living in upstate New York we'd. Do think we played and we play games we'd try and sit around in and do things like that and I still trying to do that with him with my younger kids as well it now. Where the couple days on the week if they get certain shows they wanna watch that's fine. Armed but the fact of the matter is we'll sit down will play cards will play. You alienate the board games and stuff just. To because it's it's the interaction part is that really staying connected staying close to one another when you're watching TV. LS and you sit with each other and so forth but you're not listen you're not having an interaction you know having that meant closeness. That that's of value that you're stating that you have in your family and so yearly. I'm for that to take place and you also create an atmosphere in your Stanley for your kids to wanna do it with here. Yet and that's the way we've always been where at 7 PM no matter what 7 PM all electronics are now. Now I don't know they might be even who he might still have the TV on there's no phones no ipads are no computers no games. None of that stuff at 7 PM it's it's family time and that and that's the way we've always done it just because. You know I knew that we dropping a world were always outside we're always with friend we're always hang out and doing things in just over the last. 1520 years I've seen so much where. And now we you drive through neighborhoods you can rarely seen Kidd just are all my house they're all of us sitting on sitting on the games and sitting on their iphones and and nobody is interacting with each other. And it's just it's it's insane to see how much change or no javy wouldn't. When we are younger by this or by the age of thirteen fourteen we're already on the second third girlfriends and and so forth and are you most did you go to see that with these days until there until they're older as well so it's just the whole interaction is is so. So go on. Yes it's an end and that's a shame but but what you said is that you have established. Routine. That your Stanley followed and and and again it's based on values that you have been recognized and could Stanley tanks and other. Yeah well and and it's always think that that's very important it's you know because those that's what everybody remembers them they're not gonna sit there and remember. Ten years from now that night that they set on the couch and watched an episode of the flash. But they're going to remember those times when they sat around and playing games of the Stanley and interact. And I are so I think that that that one at that issue is. Some families don't know that they can established routines like that that they. That they can live eight a structure in their families so that they can have these things together. What are we seeing is a difference in in in the parents themselves. You know we talked about stress we've talked about. Economics a little bit but it seems it's realities of the demands on the parent are equally changed and parents just. May or may not may be they don't make the time but don't seem to have as much time. Which is part of the problem to dedicate to those those fail only hours as they may have in the past has that changed or is it just a perception. I don't know if it's bolstering. I mean. He police have to is close by. And that now we have electronic equipment at at making it easier for us to do I think it's how we. It's how we choose to spend our time. And I think that we respond. Rather then. Would we react to whatever is being pushed on as soon as opposed to making a plan and following me at her. Or were talking with doctor Marian for catcher about the and met on what might be considered the most difficult job in the world. Raising kids and the things that they're facing families these days they're more challenges in ever. Only to continue the conversation just a moment. We've got great shows coming up don't forget about tomorrow night it will be Angus dimsdale will be talking about the search for block this monster was his father. Who was one of the pioneers Tim didn't still of the search for nasty and he spent a good portion of his life between 19601987. I'm searching for the Loch Ness Monster. And then Wednesday doctor Barbie breath it will join us she's an experienced teacher a published author a prophetic voice dream interpreter and healing minister to talk about all of her work. And Thursday to be Jeff much it. And serial killers will be the topic specifically. The man who was considered maybe the first serial killer in the United States each each homes that happens to be. His ancestor just such ancestors sold that's all coming up this week. And beyond reality radio don't go well. Great tasting JP thanks everybody for joining us stop by the FaceBook page stuck on the website PR reality radio dot com. Spend little time there make you like it all when you do it and average easier conversation tonight we're talking with doctor Marian for gags about. Are raising kids parenting has some in this very very difficult to not doctor you know. We don't always do it alone and sometimes that can be just as difficult as any part of the pairing process and when we. Look at. Our spouses horror or arm or parenting partners and Saddam we start to. I mean sometimes assigned the blame when you have a problem with a child. How can that conflict be resolved and down what does that do to the whole process. What you could do it I think. Use me is make it kind of fitted to that used to be a little to get tired in a pleasant place. Without distractions. And figure out what it is that you want what effect call for your kids behaviors that you disagreeing about. And find what it is that you can agree on and then make a stand for had to make that happen so. Want one thing that real comment with parents is. It has to do with corporate compliance. Group cooperation. Or doing his directive. Following directions. One parent will say well he always does what I talented there any other parent of and that's because it bully him into doing it. And the other parent says one up you're just a whim and you don't know how to get on to its blah blah blah. So that call it is what if the call here. What what do you think vehicle. The goal I think the goal is to. Two modified behavior of the child ultimately without. The conflict between parents to do it. Right the goal is dedicated to follow that direction and he gave a matter for the father. And could do it cooperatively. And so that. If they can agree on that. Which they probably hand because. I have a lot of experience in getting parents to agree on that they can agree on that. Then what you have to do is to Egypt had to make that happen to accept that it up to follow directions. But how hard is it to get the parents to agree on that because. Fact of the matter is the parents a lot of times had chewed totally different upbringing and right out and like my wife my wife was an only child I was one of six. And you know totally different. Evan parent parenting styles and in our parents were 100%. Different on one another so. And recruit in my life and I who we've been lucky enough where we've been together since seventh grade so we we pretty much grown up with each other so we know each other and and each of us have have accepted and and learned to work with and with the other and in raising the children but. Most relationships aren't like that these people meet later on in life. Get together get marry and start reasoning and children and they're so different. So how do you get the parents to. To meet in the middle and just worked together on things. So if people get them to agree that that both parents want to hit. Followed directions. So when I say John don't take up issues now please. Johnnie Bassett. Right and and an eight I've I guarantee you there is hardly a care in the world that won't agree. That that is reasonable goal. OK so now the trick is. How he fought Johnny up to pick up and shoot. When you want to soak it seemed likely to do it because that. The problem. Without telling without having to tell Johnny and just have him. Don't know who know. So so so. What what it is one of the simplest trick in the book in the wind that parents most frequently referred to. Is giving clear directions. So Johnny to choose occur in the middle of the floor I'd walk home and tired. The last day. A triple predation is an okay. Tony. Allen character development or actually you realize I'm gonna break my neck. Now. You'd think Johnny's gonna cooperatively cool printing purposes so put them away. Others immediate conflict there. That's right. So what equal sport that I tripped over the issues and I. We'll wait in line. Gonna happen night eating them whole with like Stanley where we get along and have a good time. He didn't want to share it. So. I have to calm myself down I have to first say what do I want I think that's one of the things that we are yet. What you went blind so that I can make it happen. So I calmed myself down. And that a lot of ways I might do that. I might turn around and go out the tour. And take pride deep breath. And think about how I'm gonna do this and then come back in what corporate hegemony NC agent. Exciting. And now let's and then sold. Them a little smiley late into his age and insane. Irony. The suit now in the current. Stay cool and and hole. And I have I mean pain a lesson. Expression and they say. Is do it later. And I don't do anything good standing cope with a pleasant expression army base. And they sit in maybe being the standard you hold. Has this very strong effect on getting hit two. Application. He evidence if I did something like that my kids with think I was going to snap. There at Baghdad's talking I mean he's staring he stood staring mean the guy with a smile on his face talking calmly. He's he's gonna kill me if I don't do this and that and that's what is gonna that's what if my father did that to me I'd be more terrified than when he came in yell. Except except where we have good news behavior that you could be the topic that you're going to establish. This is gonna happen over and over and over again and it. From now on well with exceptions because we all blow it. But from now on when you want something done when your kid is screwed up and you want to fix it. You're gonna ask in a polite respectful. And firm. But polite way. For the child to do it. And I do I do agree that sometimes you need to just me go back outside the doors because I didn't have seen as soon of course a father. Of of many children come the fact of the matter is I've I've had the situations where something's happened. And I have spoken and spoken of one in my in my son's or whatever in a in a certain tone and then the rest of the night. You know what you're sitting on the couch whatever seems to be a ten sort of with tension filled night where they are stand stand off this year standoffish. But those nights where something's happened it's irritated me I've gone outside just decided to work in the garage for if you give myself a half hour an hour to to cool off. And then come back and it's a total different in total different scenario where indexing you know you're you're interacting and b.s having fun Woodson a good mood so I have. Seen both sides of that and a 100% agree sometimes you just need to. Walk away. Just call for a little while ago and and just calm yourself down due to focus on something else for a little while and then come back to. Exactly and it took a couple chapter. Emotion regulation. And an innate in or. Identification of emotions. And strategies for regulating emotions because. Only light hit an emotional situation. And the you're just flooded with emotions all the time and when your kids. Hit those long years. And there outrageously emotional. Parents especially need to be able to let. Themselves. And they come in last night. You know we all think we can do it or at least at some point we do and frequently we find out it's a much harder and much more difficult process. Then we ever give our parents credit for its cards bow raising kids here and that's were talking with Doctor Murray and mortgage about. Take a break in just a minute here before we do we had a couple requests for a little bit of levity in this Syracuse discussions so. We're gonna do this for you and if you haven't been heard this and have amended the program before. This is a little bit of up poking fun and it's and an incident on ghost owners that you may or may not have been familiar with so. Enjoy it when we come back on the other side of the break we will be rejoined two wins Marion forgo actual be continuing our conversation. About parenting and how weak can help. Be successful helping each other be successful at it it's beyond reality radio Jason NG feet. Don't go away we have so much more common now. It's the colonel. Program on the radio great way to spend your overnights if that's what it happens to beef you're on the West Coast it might not be so much overnight either way thanks for joining us. We've got a great show lineup tonight we're talking with doctor Marian for gets about the her book. And the mysteries and curls of parenting and will continue that conversation just a little bit. Tomorrow night's program well it's oboe Loch Ness Monster was saying to students dale Angus is the son of Tim dimsdale. Who's the same to Nancy hundred Tim spent the years 196387. Searching the Loch Ness Monster Tim's got some great. A stories which her recounted India book that Angus wrote called. The man who filmed Nancy and I am Wednesday its doctor bar B breath it. But I she's an experienced teacher published author. A prophetic voice a dream interpreter and healing minister we're going to be talking about all those things all of her work taking your calls as well. On Wednesday night and then Thursday America's. First. Serial killer. HH Holmes a fascinating story. The in the second beat him on the program no it's gonna be one of his ancestors Jeff smudge it was an attorney. And he wrote a book called blood stains is also a television series on the History Channel called American ripper. It's going to be a fascinating discussion soon you know I wanna miss that that's Thursday. Right here on beyond reality radio. We want you to stop by the FaceBook page give that a light gets FaceBook dot com slash beyond reality radio. And then of course the website a lot of stuff there for you to check out beyond reality radio dot com it's all part of being. On. Part of the FB unrelated radio friendly if he had amend the chat room you don't even know what you're missing you can find that. By going to the website as well there's a button there and says listen live chat. You can click on that you can continue to listen on the radio station of your choice however I'd allow you to get into the chat room enjoying the conversations going on there which is always fascinating. Sometimes funny sometimes inappropriate soccer they're so good stuff going on there. Park or take a break when we come back we'll bring in our guest doctor Marian for. Yet it's beyond reality review Jason. The show it's not the only ingredient Jason GDP. Few are listening to the show on one of those stations carrying us someone over part averting a syndicated family. A police says drop them no don't thank you tell me enjoy the show they need to hear from you to know that it's with the that you like it and and that's important us as well also. We appreciate you doing that. The book is called raising cooperative kids proven practices for connected happy family and we're talking with the author doctor Marion for a good match. Doctor here's a loaded question. This is this well it's habitable he had mean a lot of flood of people struggle with this and maybe. Now initially in their own minds but looking outside into the world. What is the difference. What is the impact. Of the changing family. Particularly in America and you know we don't have ball. Seen a traditional family is as a man and woman raising a child but things are changing how is that impacting all of this. Well you bring up you bring up. Electronic technology. Social media is saying is a major factor in. Social society and what that has the impact that has so I'm parenting. So we have to do for example. Very to pay attention to what's going on and are his electronic world. I think eight bullying. Was being bullied. Electronic way. And what can a parent do if that's taking place. So. You'd have to monitor what's going on in your kids' lives in different ways from the way we used to. When your kids which if that plane on the street. They had to be sure that they were safe out there. Now he needs to be sure that their faith in their pick that we can. Yes cyber bowling is definitely become one of them the fastest growing know ways of bullying and it's lit led to everything right down to. Suicide and and other issues and that it needs to be addressed need to be focused on that. Com. I see a normal fight if I handle it correctly you know I'm I'm I'm in the situation where. And you will especially when it comes down to the kids' phones and so forth. I have access to their accounts I have and I can open their phone it to win it with my fingerprint as the as the master account holder in south. And they know that arm you know when when they sign on to snap snap general whatever and there they're always connected to my counselor to see what's going on is that. And if accurate is because what you had done from the very outset. Is to establish. The structure. Bet it this year control an account and not being. A dictator but that appropriate control over what's going minding your kid's life. So so it's a good thing that I've done. Okay Aaron because and that's that's always because I don't wanna and B I don't wanna have it to a point where they think well you know my dad. Might yeah in my dad's always you know and watching were keeping an eye on everything everything I do but then again I want them to think he had because. I want them to know that no matter where they are words we're connected. That I I can see what's going on on there as their father of animals so there are two to protect them my guess. I have a friend who lives on fourth floor block up. And he's got two teenage boys and when near out it's nice to see it from the top of the stairs we don't pretend to come home so he conceded they're you know whether their eyes are red. They think about the are you know can they walk straight. And they know that their father is it to be sitting at the top of the stairs when they come home. And that's helped them. Have some self control while they're out there. It influences their decisions. During the course of the evening and that brings another question. Rules. I've always been of the school that when you establish clear. Rules and expectations. And also consequences for breaking those. I actually think it helps children understand what's expected in how to behave. Some parents think that it's more for free for all where do you fall. Hacked iPhone and in your camp I think clear rules and expectations. And specifying. You know. Well privileges that earned her following the rules and consequences for breaking the rules. It thinks. It easy for kids can make their rights police. The ticket free for all that they don't know where. It depends son or daughter mom has been a good mood when they discover what I and you know how bad it going to be. It it puts too much responsibility on the kids. What parents were Reid pulled our children and they don't know how to read and so that's why they have such a long child's life. And then if they break those rules are some parents that you know it's a line in the sand just keeps moving and therefore there's never any real consequence of their four. The child learns that now the rules really have no meaning. So it's it will get written down with the consequences I think contracts are leaking Stanley contract. They're they're they're great they specify what it is. And I may in fact that the captain of our kitchen. Our cup of certain things. Ruled. Agreements. Telephone number if. Consider us. Well in now. But as a lot of the problem all there are too many to many parents are trying to beat their children's friends and not apparent. Because I've seen that I've seen more people than they tend not to have. Any any. Disciplinary actions or anything when it comes down to their child misbehavior they're just a kid that. And and so forth and they seem to wanna be the child's friend and first in the parents second instead of being the parent first and the friends second. Right he can be vote. That it's not an either or situation. I create that pair first. And friends second and it doesn't but became apparent effort that it will not being a friend. No wind I grew. And you know kids can be. 11 of the things that we. Another couple of chapters. Have to do with communication. That is befitting your kids. And active strategies for listening. And then. Problem solving and making agreements negotiating. Differences. And what can come out of that our contracts like you're talking about marquis series of rule. If a consequence for breaking the rule. And the kids involved in this and by the way could have been like to have people. Because. When you put your name on it then then you know. You'd say I'm participating. In this so I'm a member at this Stanley and I agree to this. So that when the rules are broken. Everybody knows that this was an agreement that was made. Here's another somewhat loaded question. If your soul and I don't know how well these are all very sensitive topics for a lot of people but Tom what about punishment and consequences no. One I was growing up we you know I I got my share spanking us. That's in a lot of cases frowned upon now is there a writer wrong way to do this. So we. What we we've worked really hard on negative consequences. And and actually we have. And major program going in Norway where. Traditional brick punishment is like. Very potent. But but they do agree with negative consequences. So. Are negative consequences has something in common and that is sort. There. As immediate as possible. And indeed it. Clearly set up in advance. So we is trying out. Especially with it from. 22. And a twelve. Mean on the hit. And those terrific little small tasted these infractions. And it enables. It will enable us here I think it's pitiful teach from each other in their escalating. Conflict. At least I'm out. And timeout never goes longer than ten minutes. And they picked it refuses timeout if it which we move well. In print which removal is usually. Short especially for a timeout kind of infraction like. So timeout is collected ten minutes privilege removal could be fifteen to thirty minutes like. Less screen time for example where noted there. We have worked tour. And those separate things like relying dealings by aiding instruction. In now. Go to court that they own. That that don't happen usually safe to say although fighting money. But they're larger. Problems and or where it sure. Is it could be something like. Pooper scooper patrol in the yard. Cleaning out the cities later. For a larger line it might have to do it. They yard. In our Stanley. Were would bring fairly frisky. It usually involve reading and stacking wood. First certain amount of time and certain amount of stuff. And prickly treat her well with withheld until the word children completed. And what oracle is earnings and net that we're really nicely for wearing. The language accurate if. The C I was under the same as Jimmy with the way I grew up and of course it was a different world but the way I grew up was. I didn't do certain things because I knew that. Makes them my father would give me he would give me a look at who would would really make me regret my choices. Through that now I look at it now as well and I was only not doing it because the fear of violence SOA and it and I I get that. I've been in the situation where I've never really have never been in the situation where I've had to. To hit one of my children and spank on my Cilic I think one and one might. Daughter who's 26 we gave for a a swat on the ball once she still talks about a credit to his day Innospec when she was like nine. I'm so I'm never been in the situation weren Horton the thought. One and two reason hand to to any in my children and anger by. The hole when I look back to when I was a child. And I think while. I didn't do a lot of stupid things because I knew there was going to be some serious repercussions when I got home my father. Is used to sit there and you think well I didn't do this because of that. And you want your children not to do it and do something but. A lot of translate the things you're saying time mountain. In Los privileges and so forth these are things that the child can still rebel on the are going to time out. I'm not doing some doing and how the result of Gaza. If that it doesn't go to trial map and you take away privileged. And I have to be something that you have power over and the people say what I don't care. I didn't want it anyway. And you just have to ignore it that yeah it's been years since my son is grown up but. He he he had a man out. And he did he do he says I would decide whether or not I was senate break a rule. Depending on how much would I would have to happen. Sometimes he would break a rule. And have to prevalent. My stepson one time. Or important income. It's been. He laid down a five dollar bill and he. Chewed me out something ferocious. I picked up the sides are below. And actually went out bought myself a couple kept in. And that's definitely the way to handle it okay we're talking with doctor Marian for catcher about her book and techniques and parenting in the things we can do to make our lives easier. Maker families and our kids happier. And also satisfy ourselves to continue the conversation just a moment. Couple things to remind you of we've got some things coming up that you'll probably like can you should do a tune in for tomorrow night it's Angus dimsdale Angus is the son of Tim dimsdale. Mirren didn't recognize that name he's the famed. Loch Ness Monster hunter from my 1960 to 1987 he spent. Those years of searching for evidence of the creature. And done he and Angus were both present during numerous Nancy hunting expeditions he was a crew member of the 197071. L and I investigation. I will be talking about the hunt for the Loch Ness Monster. Especially the work of his fathers did and it's all chronicled in the book that Angus wrote called the man who filmed Nancy that's tomorrow night's program. Wednesday doctor Barbie breath it will join us she's an experienced teacher a published author. A prophetic voice the dream interpreter and healing minister she's released God's love and presence. In prisons hospitals streets Europe's Third World nations television radio the Internet and much more about her deepest desire. Is to fulfill. The unique to their destiny. Here on earth and birdies training resources and personal ministry of help others interpret. And he'll. And many other things sets out ways in its program Thursday it's Jeff smudge it he's an attorney at law and you probably also know the mean each each homes. The he's considered to be America's first serial killer. Well apparently he is an ancestor or he is a fourth bearer to with a Jeff smudge it. And Jeff wrote a book called bloodstains about. HH Holmes we're gonna talk about the book plus a television series on the History Channel called American ripper. And that's all on Thursday night's program so make sure you stay tuned me she comeback night after night it's. Beyond reality radio decency and good. He radiated Jason Hawes and TV Johnson thanks for joining us. Hope you're listening of one of the great radio stations around the country that are carrying the program or online either way we welcomed into the program and thank you for supporting the show don't forget to stop by the FaceBook page at FaceBook dot com slash beyond reality radio also the website is a great resource. Bombed and if you if you have a chance stop by there you can also join the chat if you stop. At the at dia website is Ken it's beyond reality radio dot com. A stop by and say hello. Two and Jason are both so personally on FaceBook cup my hand was at GBJ paranormal stop by and say Cologne to disliked. In the seem so we're Talking Heads tonight with doctor Marian for gets her book is called raising cooperative kids proven practices for connected. Happy family. Doctor is so much of what you talked about and it's it's an obvious. Thing. Is is a matter of respect the key all of this is you need to be blue established respect between your children and yourself. They need to respect you you need to respect them word is that start because at a point I think it becomes too little too late. I think it starts when you walk out and tripped over this is on the border. And decide. That you want a nice evening with your family. And say you're gonna chill out before you do indeed. And get your child at this suit and put them away. Eight it it happened. Have to think about what do I want in my family. I want to be treated with respect. And I want to treat with respect and act. That they look for the spirit of cooperation. And team work in the Stanley. So it's more just it's conditioning yourself. And say you're you're the the main star of how old the rest of the stuff is going to go down. So it's conditioning yourself giving yourself that right mindset so in return you can change the mindset of under other individuals by the way you interact with them. I. I've seen too many parents. And taken all or nothing approach in other words they you know they they threatened a threatened they warned they warned behavior continues and then they just explode. At a point where they can't handle it anymore. And down you know and then you've just got this this catastrophe of the situation vs something that could have. Been handled in a much more subtle and small scale sense early on but the you know they let this let it progressed to the point where it becomes a major conflict in this is part of what you're saying is here handle him literally candle lit. Apparently it's mainly handle it responsibly before becomes a major issue. And make a plan for how you're gonna handle it I mean one of the reasons that parents don't punish is because the punishment that they Chester to BA. And so so for example some people think that I'm out is the worst punishment in the world it is like. Sole means social isolation and it's gonna break the child's spirit and other people other parents feel like it's it. Nothing like. Whining and the heat up. And and and yet he works. We've done study after study and timeout actually works when it's done right people do it now say the wrong way. But when it stands right in order. You make a really good point because I also a fine and I found this in my own life. That sometimes the punishment that you threatened or have honest depending on how you position that I'm actually becomes more work for the parent. And therefore it's it's either we know and not enforced or. Meets its avoided because becomes work for the parent. Okay we're talking with doctor Miriam forgo action her book is called breezing cooperative kids proven practices first connected happy family. And it's no easy task well I guess doctor for that you would maybe argue that it could be easy task we just don't all law practice the things we need practice. To make it happen but to continue that conversation just a couple. Moments beyond reality. On it's. Hard to beat Johnson. I take a moment and tell your friends about the show that's something that we'd like you do jump on social media who share our page. Or just you know sent an email or text or whatever and say hey check out the show if you have any interest. And really cool topics and great discussion. Check up beyond reality radio and you know what if you can't listen lies because the time it just doesn't work out for you while download the program. Tellem they can go to bomb iTunes or even check out the beyond reality radio website. And I download past episodes it's all right there and it's free of charge we invite you to listen to the show regardless of whether it's life. Or it is and a podcast form it's all good stuff anyway I tonight or talking with doctor Mary in fort catch about her book raising corporate kids proven practices for connected. Happy family in May not be. Something we've all achieve but it is something we can all achieve. And continue that discussion with the dark for gets don't forget tomorrow night. Is another great show for you we'll we'll be bringing. In. Angus Deans don't be talking about the search for the Loch Ness Monster his father. Was one of the pioneers. In the hunt for nasty between the years of 1960 in 1987 and Tim wrote a book about his father called the man who filmed Nancy we've had him on the program before and really anxious to our bring him back so. That'll be tomorrow night's program right here on beyond reality radio. 11 more question here in this tested do with the world around us because we are seeing you know every every day headlines in recently. You know events and tragedies overseas there's terrorism there's there's protest staying there is the violence in a week this is stuff we just can't avoid especially with the new age of media that's on us hotter we navigate that stuff whether kids. And that's it with a question and we changed the world. Yeah no I'm not saying we change it but how do we help them understand what's going on in and keep that from. You know putting fear into them that. Makes them not wanna be part of the world. Yeah I think it set to. I could expect if something is said earlier about having time it where you together with your family in need top. Yes communicating. That they had. You can have time to talk at the dinner table for example about what's going on in the world and geek brief scene what is it what is it cool. Would it it will affect. What it it will for the future how we deal would set. I think that's part of our job this appearances debriefing. What's going on them in the world with their kids. But that means that he has had time. He's been together top. Well and I agree with that honor percent because. Like I said I'm who were very were very close knit family here and when something happens whether it be. The insane bombing of that and that happens in the UK just recently. With the media Arianna grundy concert on bombing and and so forth. Yeah I am in the my children have questions and they have fears. And we do we talked that now we talk about the ideology of of of other individuals and why don't why some of them Jews do what they do and and so forth and I think that's important letting them know. At these things are out in the world that can be a scary place it's how you live your life in the world. That's going to it and discount and define who you are and I think that's a really important. I. So Sid doctor before we let you go what is. What is the OS LC the organ social learning center. Arrogant social learning center was founded by my has been Jerry Patterson and he called forty years ago. Because trick celebrating her fortieth anniversary is here. And it didn't fit freestanding. Not for process. Family research center. Where we have been developing and testing programs that help Stanley. Would it through having behavior problems of one sort or another. And understanding. Different developmental stage at such as. With all of the money. That comes built ourself be head spin one. Eight. Writing proposals. Is the national institutes of health and getting going through that period you processing getting pundits. Now the book is called raising corporate kids proven practices for connected to happy family working people find the book. And work and they find more information about your work. And Amazon.com. You can get the book and if it spoke electronically available and Arafat back. And it concur with food generation. In Tokyo. Eat eat and he camp management in court in model generation and you know when word. Dot com. Dodd or dot org or who will actually listen on the beyond reality radio sites where you but thanks so much for coming on businesses such a great topic can. Juices as Stanley hit men and deviant myself. And of course this is these are the things these are questions that hit close to home and I'm sure they do for a most of our listeners. And all the seats that we are on across the country. Well thank you it's really been a pleasure talking with yes. Well thank you very much you have a great night and look forward to talking union's future. I. Bridge that was a great conversation with doctor for gets and we appreciate her joining us on the show we've got a lot coming up in the coming weeks if you don't I'm policy analyst at the cyclical looser focal we've had somebody's gonna hold here for quite a long time. The C this is bill from Kansas City bill welcome to be on Rihanna read agree to have you on. Is globe columnist dispute over ten years and champion here. A bill this is JV yeah what Michelle. Well we're AGB commencement of England kept up upon coming up. Yeah I actually was yesterday. I'd throw some reason I thought it was today. We're talking about it last week but yet it was yesterday at a and a nice birthday thanks. Mode whatever it today tomorrow just it doesn't matter. On Tuesday that Tokyo Olympic coming up but as one which. Well thanks mullets that's actually very very much appreciated him and and and thank you everybody in the chat room to four or wishing the happy birthday I appreciate it. Source nordic 104. I know bill thank you been them know it's been a while some and 24 were known known rewritten so. No I've got to just get to know you expect that that the other artwork or hey I'm an all time. On primary here in Cuba is sitting and well listen I. Well thanks bill we appreciate that very much we we appreciate everybody who listens to the social. Should all like you're really not that I'm sometimes we talk about opera really like that. I guess that's a point of the show so I'm that's good that you like it. Well and I don't know it is when looking at her age and looks there. How can I know it exit Jason has stepped out he's he's he's not eerie at the moment. Arlo pick up. So I'm bottom. Well let. In government like sure there was a lot of weight you've got old and the turnout particularly because you know sometimes you don't have effort that it. That's true village I don't think truer words never been spoken and the alternative is not very tracked. OK okay thanks everything. If. You're very welcome bill it's unknown. That's good do press tonight thank you everybody for joining us thank you Doctor Murray and forecast for spending the time with us check out her book. And don't be sure to tune in tomorrow night won't we have Angus standstill on we'll be talking about the hunt for the Loch Ness Monster his father Tim. I spent a lot of years of his life pioneering and spearheading the a search for the infamous Loch Ness monsters so be talking about that tomorrow night. Have agreed to overnight and we'll see you tomorrow it's beyond reality radio would Jason Hawes and JD John. It's to discuss its in its injury Johnson and. Turnaround don't forget to stop by our FaceBook page and give us a line and say hello it's beyond reality read you all one word. If you've got information you want us to follow upon where you. Liked being Gaston beyond reality radio email to swing getting. That's slinging any ED DO line and beyond reality radio dot com thanks for listening.