WWL>Topics>>3-26-14 1:10pm Angela: on deathbed experiences

3-26-14 1:10pm Angela: on deathbed experiences

Mar 26, 2014|

Angela talks with Dr. Marilyn Mendoza about her book, We Do Not Die Alone, on deathbed experiences.

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Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

Well welcome to another happy Tuesday and that's exactly what it is a happy one little grey out there doesn't matter. And we're all talking about little cooler than normal that's okay too. We're here it's a Tuesday. And life is good and I think we're gonna have three very interesting shows. My first hour I cannot wait to get into because it's talking about a subject that's clearly we need to discuss a little bit more. It is about dying. Then we're going to do given a lot of these kids. The four finalists. For the junior achievement on troop maneuvers and were talking dynamite things these kids have created. And we're going to have I'm sorry that's from three to four from two to three. Everything you ever wanted to know about Social Security disability. And I say that because were having a real authority Matt -- -- team on television doing his -- many times on radio. But twenty years ago interviewed him and we're going to talk about. What disability is and what it isn't. And I think there's some perceptions out there that people cunning game this. The system and we'll just talk about the whole thing so if you have any comments he gonna give us a call on that but we're gonna start our day. With again. What happens when we die. How would nurses hospice workers and counselors answer that question. Well doctor Marilyn -- a Ph.D. in psychology. Found out when she researched deathbed visions. By listening to the stories of those who work with the dying. She has written a fascinating book called. We do not die alone and she is our very special guest today and I wanna say that the name of your book is we do not die alone. Quote Jesus is coming to get me in a white pickup truck and there's a great story behind that -- which were definitely gonna get him to but. First of all -- how did you get 230 on nurses. That this is the book of their stories how did you get all. Well when I decided what I want to do is to investigate. The impact of these -- additions. On. The health care providers on nurses a lot of work had been done at that time on impact on the family. But nobody every search board. It impacted hand on the medical staff. And so -- friend of -- suggest it will why don't you look at nurses because nobody ever asked -- anything and I thought well it's good thing to do. So I was lucky. Had people help me. Attend meetings of oncology nurses of hospice nurses. Louisiana Mississippi. Hospice in Palin took care group allowed me to come to their meetings. Their annual meeting industry -- questionnaire to all of the hospice workers. -- of the book is a compilation. Of their stories not only. Death their visions but also a near death experiences. So it is and the stories are beautiful that they really are and they're very touching. Both for the person who is dying but also in the eyes of the owners have -- what they're witnessing. Let's talk about because I really didn't know anything about death -- patients and certainly heard about a near death experience but there's a very different. Definition. Yes and most people don't really know what that additions are everybody's heard of near death experiences because of rain in that he spoke like -- -- which came out. In the mid seventies. But death -- visions are experiences that people had just cartoon guy. Sometimes it can be a month. Or couple weeks days or right at the moment -- With the near death experience. The -- And will come back to report what's happened. We didn't envision the person dies -- we don't know. So your your getting the information on the nurse is seen that's right and what's being reported her. And members -- Let's talk about some examples of that well let me give you an example of my mom which is kind of thing that helped me get started with all of this. Mom was dying -- -- hospice at the house. And there was a lot of commotion going in and around the house every day. Except for Sunday and so one Sunday. I was in the room with my mother and I was kind of straightening out. And she called me to come over to the band. And I did and she says I've decided every -- ago. So I said to her ball OK if that's which he really wanted to do. And so I held to -- Kuester and closed my eyes and she closed her eyes -- -- Khan who waited to see is gonna happen next thing I know. My mom's eyes popped open and she was manner in -- did -- say it. I'm they told me it's not my number and I can't go -- Well I'd never heard anything like that my whole life like first fall didn't know he had to have -- numbered as shy. But she was really kind of incensed about and it and -- that was the first of several occasions that she. Com. After. Her -- we didn't know what the number wisely kept trying to figure with that we'd be in my mom died on June 4. My father also died on June 4 some forty years for. And not long after that -- found out that my mother's father also have to act on June 4. Com says now my brother and I always call each other and Q4. To be sure there were still around. But the odds manages astronomical and unbelievable yeah that is an unbelievable story so that's the number yes. Her number wasn't up that's when it was or fourth. But you had never known that about a -- I knew that about my father. On -- was thirteen when he yet but I didn't know about her phone. When she died on June 4 to June did you recollect them gene it's the same game 190 absolutely gosh absolutely oh my gosh. Other people have had different experiences. But in reading your book it's a lot of clearly the person who is dying seems something that's right and there are pointing out there. Staring at something they're having a conversation with some months. Absolutely. And I just recently I heard something from one of my clients whose grandmother has alzheimer's. And is. It's affected her speech. And says she doesn't talk much at all when she does is just a couple of words. Well she's in the process of dying. And my client said to need it. She was they -- her grandmother was sleeping and dreaming and she was having a full conversation. Where some one which she had a hand in years. And it was her sister. Who we calmed her and her dream and told her broke. Up. And you know there are number different types of I'm deck additions. To the most common one is a person coming to. Be with the one who's dying. And interestingly the most common person who comes he is the mother. So a mother's work is never done you know we've been on the other side. And then you -- husbands wives family members but the most typical is -- A family member coming to take your cross also some people experience on Jesus coming to them -- angels. I'm you'll be interested in this net dogs have also been known to come and help their owners over to the other side. -- other animals as well and you know this because. The person who was dying is sent me there rover that's right now thank you -- -- -- there's conversation they have conversation. With him. And one of the things that's so interesting about these -- editions people say well is their medication. Or their brain is dying. But they are always very lucid. At these times in very much aware of what's going on. When they're having these debts paid visions. It it again it is fascinating we're talking with the doctor Maryland and those sent. About dying and for book we do not die alone stay with just give us -- call if you have any thoughts of you've ever known anyone -- had an experience or if you yourself have had one. At 260187. -- I'm Angela on WW well. Four we continue -- not really enlightening conversation with doctor Marilyn Mendoza. Well I think the 45 people who have been texting reminding me today is Wednesday and not Tuesday one I appreciate you listening to. Thank you I need all the help buying gas -- -- time goes so quickly as they say. Doctor Marilyn Mendoza has written a book we do not die alone. And it is talking about. I hesitate call the survey but -- search that you did. With nursing people who. Are with dying people. And the experiences they've had. The in most cases that comfort they yet from seeing somebody who was in fact in that final stage. Finding sort of peace. By having a vision of whatever they're saying. Yes it changes not only -- the family gets around the dying person but the nurses is well it has a very profound a calming effect on them. -- skinny -- and hospice. And they've seen this and they know it exist and they know how special it is when it does occur. For those who say issue that touched on earlier. A lot of people weren't dying aren't pain so there there heavily -- could it be the influence of the drugs that are causing illness. The different. Well I I think that. That -- a lot of people think that that's the case how ever. Again. People are alert. When they are having these experiences. Green -- their under the influence. Of drugs but. I'm if it's a drug related hallucination. That's very different than a death in addition. I know in your book you on asked various questions of the nurses and they said that they felt. 885%. Of these. Where visions yes. That they absolutely were happening only 15%. That might be hallucinations. And -- -- they were on his spiritual experiences. Many of the nurses commented that they feel closer to guide. When these experiences happen and they were in the room. What did you learn in and reading their comments. I learned that. This is just the most fascinating field of study. On and I'll learn that people can be comforted. As their dying so many people are afraid to die. That these experiences. Help them to deal with that failure mean think about. Somebody like her mother. Who you haven't seen in ages and ages coming to get she can help you cross over so that you are not afraid. So many of these people. Will talk about that they will have been afraid. And talk about their fear not warning to die. And some will come to them. And they won't tell you my mother came or my sister came in I'm gonna be going send in their much more peaceful. One of the nurses said that. She's been with the dying -- A lot of people are in the room and wind deceased people have com. And it's much better she said people are much calmer wind the spirit have come back to be with the dying. So -- dying person will literally say to the nurse. My sister's at the foot of the bad Carmine yes mother is it in court and say that or you can also tell by. Where they're staring many townspeople -- stare right through you because you're looking at someone. Or at the famous stairs up in the corner of the room. One gentleman. Was dying and he was staring in the corner of the room and the nurse came in and ask him what he was looking at -- said. Jesus is in the corner. And he's waiting for me. So. You know she could tell by his behavior that there was something that was going on or as you said earlier people will reach out. And picket the mayor trying to hold someone touch touch. Connect to touch. Again there have also been and some studies that work on. What is happening in the brain at the time of death. And some will say you know the light that one sees is this could we hear that sell off from the bright beautiful light and -- this. Not sort of magical collars etc. and that may well be. The deterioration of the brain. What the process the brain is going through. Well I think that you know all things are mediated by our our brains we can't separate the brains out from the spiritual experiences. In fact. In some of the literature with near death experiences. They find that the temporal lobe is. A very much involved in -- and then it. On some of the positive the really comforting. Near death experiences are mediated through the right side of the temporal lobe. And some that are more disturbing -- through the left so our brain is involved in all fairness. But if you ever been around anyone whose hand -- near death experience. It's completely different feel to it then someone who's hallucinating. Because people are comforted. By these experiences. Most people are not comforted by hallucinations. Have you found that person. The person has. -- Had been religious or spiritual most of their life and they are more prone to have these or suggest anybody. To see anybody. Some people who or atheist. At the and -- Jesus coming to get them or an Angel or many people will see Mary York. Some spiritual figure so it doesn't have to be somebody who is scary privileges. And you almost wonder -- At the very hands hurt but it really is ray -- yeah. Do you find that of people of different faiths on a Jewish person a Catholic person ain't Episcopalians. Well I guess I said earlier these experiences are worldwide. People from. You every religion can experience them. Christians are likely to see Christ. Catholics and we'll see Mary. Or chosen for a -- On most Jewish people will see angels. So it depends. On what you're police or what you see. -- so it is rooted in something. -- now let's differentiate again between the near death experience. Which is where a person essentially dies but is does come back -- her. And what they've seen vs the deathbed experience have you talked people with a near death experiences. Yes yes and they talk about what happens is that the first thing is that they rise above their body they have out of body experience. And they can be aware that someone else is there with him to help guide them to the underside. And people gamble. Flowed off typically what happens is that they reach a point -- go through a tunnel here in western society. People go through a tunnel. In the east in Japan and China people cross a bridge or -- strain but there's always some type of passing over. -- and so they won't come out of the tunnel and they won't reach a point where they can no longer go further and they're told it's not your time yet. You have to come back. Gather all kinds of variations and of this story and people meeting. Deceased relatives saying beautiful. Scenery encountering god. Angels. I mean they're really on very moving. Meaning of these experience here at that. Some people of -- really didn't wanna come back that's right absolutely. The -- and and that because it's such bliss. And you know life here is hard at times. And -- they wanna stay but there -- now have to come back go back. We're gonna take another break but we're gonna continue our conversation with Maryland and -- -- stay with this I'm Angela under the don't do well now let's go to the newsroom. Maryland and dose a doctor -- Mendoza is our very special gift she has written a book about dying called we do not die alone. We've got a caller Peter -- from Baton Rouge. Peter. It's hi -- I'm 42 year Methodist minister. Then I absolutely am fascinated with this program which you could go on about separate hours. And I thank all clergy at one time or another have. We felt -- -- time in the hospital and -- and have witnessed this sort of thing. And I have witnessed it on several times. Then what the most pro own terms. Ever. What several years ago ultimately in my church was aware or -- -- under -- -- -- on for years and years and years. And she was declining in -- slipped into a coma for several days. And the -- -- only to become the go to doctors say it would be any moment shall I went up there. We're all standing around in the room and you could hear that death rattle which just to. That the people standing there urged -- to hear that. And all of a sudden. Have a clear this this woman and opener and -- Opener why and they -- clear they were glazed over and with the voice is clears you to talk over the radio she shouldn't. I'm tired of waiting herald this year. I'm going on. It was -- with -- and even go on forever. And that -- and actually teaching grandma epic battle Clinton and -- -- Grip errors. And and and about a minute later she was and everybody would just wouldn't know what to do it's a -- almost in passing out it was a peculiar that you can. This doctor came in and we mob you know which -- we gotta tell you what just happened he -- yeah I don't. No big deal. -- And some years ago the year the early church was suffering the ravages of breast cancer she slipped into local law. And all of us were in the room must be here and -- and all. And we were just sitting there at all since she sent. She sat and -- -- IC cases. Piracy cases. It's time. And it's just laid back -- that all of us were paralyzed. With just oh my god that that the that just happened. So that stuff that Maryland has spoken about most people who have been out of hospital has seeing that sort. I think we we really don't know much. So much and what we know I think human brain is about the sand the greatest -- a mile Long Beach. Social and goes on -- these programs that are just incredible. -- incredible an and I think for the most part. But people are feeling is that comfort and frankly that -- Oh absolutely it did it do not nearly. The one time that happened like that it scared me it was a it was a chaplain at memorial hospital at about 12100 bit. And two women who were in complete column for years were in that room in particular but it literally all the room and decorated it like -- living. -- -- And the two yen would come every day read the mail actually. You know equipment and respond and it's good to their 24 hour here. And it was it was a touching thing to see him coming and you know there one day. A nurse where it is Ursula. Your regulars are urged Johnson and I do the best I can't I'm no longer need their ground so -- And if she was moving about what these women this woman changed her. At her hard. And she -- back. And she said two or so later you were related she said that in apple. Is an issue that is Bruce sit. That that happened she says. I'm not -- -- there but it change you socialistic you look over here. And she put her arm quote this woman's -- and I am there was another pitch. Told the doctor and -- was a friend meant it and that super conductor he said. What you can look at that she would have a little bit. And several doctors payment quietly crowded around that room in the door in my opinion. And all of a student and they had. It was quite a grand showing. Investigation. And she went and and she plans announced herself as being the substitute urged. And she says I'm gonna I'm gonna move my arm and neck shirt and & Associates of lower back and I'm not their ground but not the best candidate she put her arm them there and that woman -- -- -- -- her. Then. The horrifying story is well like. Even when you're in the poll for years and your bodies being just kept going are you still oh waiter. Are you still we -- Do you still have feelings do you still. What a horrible -- owner if that's the case. They're so ugly Rotella and some medical journal that. -- look to get you got on the this fascinating story about when we're about the transition from this world to the next. And great step but a little -- stories. Thank you let me ask you some -- because I was gonna get Maryland to talk about it not all of the experiences are are beautiful. There are some that can be distressed. Oh absolutely. Absolutely. Marilyn do you want to to -- -- and Peter then you tell us if you've ever experienced and well first of all I appreciate your calling yen. I'm I do wanna make one comment about what you're saying and that is for the medical -- if it's very very important. Not to dismiss what it is at the patient is saying user time you thank you may believe that their hallucinating. Or that there com. Not. Not in their right mind. But this is real for them and it's very important and it's helping to suit him so people need to learn how to do is keep their opinions to themselves. And you can if they say -- see what I see. You can just say no I don't but I know that you see him so that's real important. I don't know there are things such as distressing deathbed patients that are near death experiences to. Well I'm like yeah I've changed some of -- actually people losing note there -- about to -- at the start trying to either. Apologize for something that they they try to deny that's that's something that perhaps an oppressed they were used to doing. And one man for days in the eighties slider and he would say no I didn't I didn't. I didn't. And and I just Sam Bassett did that simply don't know. And audit I don't know I didn't I didn't Merrill middle so. It just view you just think -- -- on new. What was going on here. Well I did some research at Angola and in my book came out I found out that Angola has hospice. In the caretakers in the hospice -- prisoners themselves. Taking care of other prisoners who were dying. And I wanted to see what type of death -- visions and near death experiences these men might have. And what I found was. Pretty parts that they have the same type of experiences. That we -- On. That they see their mother's coming to get them one man's size family coming yet and and a Cadillac. There was. One or two. That they seated we're very distressing. -- near death experiences -- a lot of researched now in literature. On some of these. Very distressing. Experiences sometimes they need our regular near death experiences. That -- Scene is frightening sometimes people find themselves in 048. And the rarest of all are those who find themselves. In hellish situations. It's very involved topic I know we don't have time today but what I can say he is from all the ones that have Fred. The key factor to getting out of hell is asking god for help her -- her. -- you know how that report well. Well what -- your your topic today I would open and a journalist and that that you know. I -- as a -- This topic to date by -- in my mind -- ladies and even mention her husband in decades centuries as. -- -- -- -- -- -- I'm going to be thinking about -- long -- -- -- -- My god you know you -- -- -- what we know about this turn our lives and just destroy all the -- It is and you're absolutely right this is a fascinating topic and it's a fascinating book -- for everybody else listening I wanna say that you can get Marilyn's book on Amazon. And it's we do not die alone I really appreciate this -- are very very much. Clinical Amazon and buy our guarantee. -- and we're not undertaken the break but we'll be back thanks for listen stay with us. Doctor Marilyn Mendoza is our guest she has written a book we do not die alone and it's talking about death bed visions. And on other experiences but it's about dying. And Susan you've been holding. -- And my father passed to OB nine years it's we. And I like it is that after an application heart surgery. And on the -- -- -- to bring. Well we thought okay. She -- acting ambassador. To the party at a midnight shift and for about two days we cherry but -- sure looked it up gays in the corner. Any of the things mentioned. That after he passed -- it later in act two and a half years ago I had extra. And I knew full Shuler everything's going to be okay but if it comes in -- short. But there -- any time that you -- that I had been with me. -- -- know that it. That was going to be the end I thought it would have been it would mean well. Isn't this a wonderful thing that's right we know that. Well we're glad you're with us. Now with that that you that's a wonderful statement -- is. It is saying. I thought that he would do and I am and I am not sure you remember and -- on the show within a year ago. -- -- daughter. -- we had a very close relationship. Seeing in the nine now he's always with. I've really appreciate. It. Era that lecture thank you. Thank you very very much. Pollen -- -- no problem. But Catherine in home. I. -- a little bit different story miners. Come down there. But there and many years ago in my sister it was dying it was a retreat sir patients with T answer. Probably -- -- Bloomberg. And -- and my sister found out that she had -- pancreatic cancer. She attended camp blueberry NAFTA that she'd say. Anything blue mountain bluebird. And have been here and there banner again here. And she passed away and I ticket Barry ward and had a hard time thinking it's a patient after that I. Finally. And my first cancer patient and the same name as my sister. And a large Stanley -- -- nothing. Except -- daughter who was in California. He had actually been taking and -- stranger who. Getting hurt her bedroom and the back wall of the bedroom. Where is full. Picture window. It looked adding that -- thank you lord. And -- help. This lady two make arrangements to get to California so that she could be her sister because -- into the terminal. And in the morning get out there to tell her good. She was going to be getting on a plane that day so that she could die. We currently -- I went into the bedroom to tell her goodbye. And I looked up to. Wind in the entire back you'll this lady you'll like no kidding skilled. Mountain bluebird and they hand him not Beijing Bernard. And Alex and and I extra lady called and said. What about I'll be prepared she's never seen them before. Eat better and there. Probably dancing through. What you experience skis and what you experienced as -- after -- communications. I need that without. That it. Only part of this story it's true it. That is true story and you because you have -- program any time ever ever since then added now. It it was a life back together. It's within the next stored in -- system with Eric Eric. There and get back. In general for telling a story. Thank you let. Oh no absolutely thanks for the calling in thanks for listening. You also didn't she Marilyn have a an experience with her mother oh yeah after my mom dad I started finding little white AP feathers every place I -- In places that you wouldn't expect that to find feathers at all. -- and that lasted for a couple of years often on -- and it stopped. Am in my book first came out. I went to do a radio interview in Mississippi. And we had stopped for lunch we'd finished lunch and went go to the restroom which was outside the building. And when I turned the corner. The walkway was completely clear except in the middle of that there was a little may be white feather. Iran into that night granted and I knew my mom was with me and I was no longer anxious about the interview. So I consider that an after death communication her telling me that she's still with me to stay with a seven. And we're not done I'm Angela under the human blood wanna thank everyone for calling in for a listening to a one thing Maryland Mendoza. Author of we do not die alone. And again you can get that at Amazon.com. By popular demand we're gonna have this woman back because again death. Is an important discussion thank you very very much an Angel and okay will have her back. Stay with this we're going to -- go to the newsroom but only come back we're gonna talk about Social Security disability stay with its.