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4-11 8:45am Tommy, not spoiling your kids

Apr 11, 2014|

Tommy talks to Dr. Jim Taylor, a psychologist & author of numerous books about parenting

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Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

I Tommy Tucker talking about -- ending -- in general audience draw the line between overspending and given your kids everything. They want you want because you that you you know one the only going to be eight there going to -- and going to be twelve once and on May elect does is good and Emeril as I've memorable as I possibly can doctor Jim Taylor joins us now. -- psychologist and author of numerous books about parenting. I'd guess the most recent of which is positive pushing how to raises successful child doctor. Okay good morning thanks for taking the time with a isn't I guess if you Google your name if someone were to do that in final books. They -- my web site -- doctor Jim Taylor dot com pretty easy stuff. And you spell and doctor ordered to abbreviating. ER that's okay. So tell me about about this is parents you know we we wondered do go we spoiling the kids are we given -- memories it'll last forever and and if not -- got to grow up to be thirty insane man when I was 1201 to do was go to Disney World and I didn't idea of balance Elvis. Well I think the combination of two things first the -- -- that apparently what you value. And if you can communicate those valley educate and -- your kid experiences that are consistent with those values. And I think that's very healthy. And the second point is just moderation BP. With you know somebody's birthday party you hear about on TV. Is still accepted the I think -- -- is a pretty unrealistic view of the world. Where -- if you cut the money in if you want to spend it that way that your choice but a lot of people don't city connected experiences. At the expense well expect. That because. Trip to gain car and -- can be super expensive. So I think parents need -- out yet we wanna give it give market these experiences because. You're only a child that wants. But another important part of childhood is preparing for the real world for adult that. And in the adult world it can't have everything they want money doesn't -- country. You know -- I've often wondered in this heavens at every school and it's been happening since cars were invented I guess but. Parents of means and look if you have the means do it every one by whatever you want the kids but sometimes you'll see. A child as a junior get a -- new Mercedes-Benz convertible which. A lot of adults aspired to one day your brand new. BMW whatever luxury car you wanna make it and my thought always was well if that's happening when you're sixteen or seventeen. Everything else by comparison is going to be. Anywhere he go from here yet assailant saying if you want to drive and a I shabby and there's nothing wrong with a shabby but if you wind up drive in one of those because. Either he your parents are lighting on him and the state you're out on your round and how do you go from a a Benz when you're seventeen years the dream car most people to. -- drive and a -- here. Well that's the problem with giving your kids too much too early. And also on earned given to them is that they develop an expectation that the the way things should be. And one city in the gulf outlet the parents support them were given on the -- on the chances are basically -- not to be able to afford those things and and that causes a lot of problems with -- I'm another thing is that we live in -- Aspiration world where now with the Internet with TV. Pair people can't see what all what other people have and they want it. And they think that it's gonna make them happier as well. So but the reality is that we can't always have those things and all but the reality is all that research shows that fine. Expenses stuff haven't cool things or they actually make you happy. In those -- my next question because a lot of us I think -- remembers kids. Not big gift that you got -- and my household there aren't a lot of gifts or toys but the time that you parents actually spent with -- -- -- the football with you do and someone else. A gay -- did taking out bike riding teaching me how to ride a bike whatever does it always. Is it still that way I guess of when I'm asking you doctor given the changes in the world that that you were just talking about DHD kids still value the experiences in the time more than they do. The material stuff. And unfortunately that has changed dramatically because of the culture we live in popular culture -- all -- -- up in getting kids and parents to think that they need these things. Like you'll hear it yeah I need and I thought I needed Xbox -- don't mean those things they need love and food water and shelter. So it perceptions of how the world works and what is healthy for them -- change dramatically. I'm an adult side point this is the -- of spoiled children and I've written about this issue and the. And I'd make a distinction between boiling between spoilt children and spoiled brat. The fact is that if you have tremendous means financially. Every parent wants to give it everything they can't but the difference between a spoiled child it's -- Brad is a spoiled child gets a lot. But they appreciated they're grateful sport they recognize the debt that it's a privilege not an entitlement. We're spoiled brat does that a kid you grow up thinking what I just deserved. And that kind of attitude doesn't play well in the adult world. Doctor -- conversational become back in spends more time with those. --

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