Michelle meaning joins us right now or mania hope I get it right randomized but I can ever remember how to pronounce their name doctor -- is it. Maybe doctor Michelle mania professor of psychiatry at the L issue Health Sciences Center school of medicine and every time she comes on she spends an hour trying to find out what's wrong with me. Still no -- is -- back. Yeah oh yeah. A recent study done at the University of Illinois as married couples she had their beliefs on how house sold short should be divided. Washing dishes vacuuming balancing checkbooks mown lawn. Women are doing in a relationship and an equal division of labor say they're happy if their husbands also in the same values. Men think they do but the it doesn't actually play out that way so I -- when it comes a happy relationship. And I -- the if mama ain't happy ain't nobody happy syndrome even if they're Nokia announced. How important visit from what you've seen in terms of couples share and work load. As opposed to -- oh here's some flowers abroad flowers on -- good luck with everything I'm gonna watch sports on TV. Well it's incredibly important you know it. It's how we communicate that. We are equal partnership relationship. That we care truly about each -- while being. It by understanding lack of responsibility that each carry and be willing to share. Do you think. The average person in the well I guess and I get this is question two ways does the average. Person a couple hundred people in a couple realize what the other one has to do it goes through -- primarily run one way. Where the man has no idea what is involved in in keep -- house at Saturn I'm not trying to sound sexist about that. Yeah a lot of time you know. Women and it's so good at doing what they use that and -- workstation. And I think that it's important that that they're kind of that kind of information shared one discussed openly. There eagerly. In and eat it shouldn't marry it's certainly in your relationship. You know what exactly. Like -- daily -- that we -- actually being -- happens aren't taking care council and you know what -- think it's important that we prioritize. And we tried to get a lot. You know many times the job as. You know one partner in the relationship cannot stand the other one line dealing with occasionally -- and -- So for example when it comes to lying on the couch watching TV men are likely to volunteer and do that. And a lot of comes the other stuff that's a much of it take a break when we come back and ask you about a thing called plausible deny ability when it comes its doors. And out of this can happen. In a relationship or not but I tend to think it does and we'll take you calls -- 26018782038668890878. Don't try to UT is quickly is that can how the chores divided. In your household -- one do insiders when do outsider -- Worried he'd forget the traditional -- and say you know what. The man doesn't mind clean in the toilets and vacuuming and the lady doesn't mind -- Grasso as a way to do it. Title at a traffic 720 gone. On the team when we come back. Tommy Tucker talking to doctor Michelle mania. About -- division of chores when it comes -- happy relationship she's the assistant professor department of psychiatry at -- issue health sciences school of medicine. And -- you know it comes to resign -- wonder if there's not a thing. Similar to plausible deny ability and here's some timeout finally after years and years and years. -- -- -- -- -- -- Avid listener of WW Allen and then just give him -- and I hated to cut the grass. But now all if some time passes and it rains and he gets busy and for whatever reason to get solution Aggie. I don't feel embarrassed about that anymore even though it's my house because I'm thinking you know -- -- my job is a crazy. I don't look at it that way you look at them as they that's on Jinan army. And how it does seem that -- the same thing wouldn't happen with chores and -- -- point. -- I'll let me I'd phrases very theoretically OK and hypothetically. If somebody were to be. In this situation with a two -- were divided. And they. Didn't do that you hours maybe they wouldn't realize how much vacuuming didn't did -- beaches didn't get launched my existing at that that the Indian and until -- take it on themselves and then. All of a sudden they realize the things that they did notice at some point and and how much work is truly involved tennis. Yes absolutely true you know I think that that often -- and relationship is. -- -- Generally seen where it has been quiet -- -- make a list all the responsibility connecting with keeping house. Oil great and children. They're able to come back with very differently in usually the wife was going to be much much longer. On again because generally they can take steps we will talk a lot about it. And it and it should be shouldn't machine need to do you need to clean out the refrigerator one month and went out. And when the red -- clean. What was -- time programming and one. Idea in my. So you know I mean like -- need to debate sports periodically need to clean up cause it didn't just stop all the shells or. We're -- a lot of a lot of mental thing. While it needs is at every card that -- automatically happening and that's about it. You know I think they were in many times then it resentment that built up because sometimes the women. Believed that -- you don't think at that station. He won a hard and well Lynn. Couple agent -- mind reading. Where we absolutely believe that person knows something that they maybe don't -- and -- he would do it for. Knowing that they should be and then there actually avoiding doing it -- that may be completely split in addition to responsibility it's important to. -- wife and it's important that currently in this house and therefore cannot. Label it they simply don't know that. Way and together. And talking about what the expectations are Egypt partners in the so important. I'd see him and conversational talk about this yet a couple more minutes. While we're gonna take some calls well at 260187803866. 89087. He said downing of the conversation. And division of chores and one Abreu and you get weeds relieves and and one person says the other way you know the shelves closets and be completely emptied in the show. Dusted any element says I don't think so you want that done you do it. So talk about that when we come back as well as what choice would you prefer to do and which ones do you hate ordeal at the the did genders the traditional gender roles get in the way and that -- you know what you wife undercut an aggressor. Even though you hate to do it -- you would think it would somehow -- you'd. The clean a toilet alert do the dishes it would have Tommy Tucker glad you're with this -- in different. -- -- on the phone as quickly as we possibly can right now though it's time for WW well offers news and say this David com. I had no idea. Everything that was involved in an element you know divulge any countenance anything but since I took over all of the duties I had no idea. What was involved in cleaning everything make ensure that everything was. Like it was supposed to be food -- to get a from the grocery stores etc. since I've assumed all of the duties as an EU as as a single father. That being said I guess sometimes people. Do chores differently than do the others and I can we shall mean any. As a as a professor of psychiatry the -- Health Sciences Center school of medicine was talking about some things. That you know you should do -- refrigerator once a month maybe crossing the base boards and those kind of things the doctor what happens and I get a text from my dad it's. A friend very intelligent very successful guys and one of the two don't agree on that what if one says. It does about based boards every month I'm -- if you want but I don't care about that being -- so that doesn't really count. As far as a list of dividing Jewelers. Frequently the case it dead. That the ordered prioritized differently by the different partners and I think that's why it's so important should stand together. Come up within a master list in each field it's important. And then divide according to what he cart -- is is the most essential. And many many times you know again. One partner will be happier to be -- certain shadow of choice in the other and a lot of times it can be worked out I accidentally. Rich in -- good morning and into the W well you -- Gut tell me what happens what the house -- in your house. You know -- life and work together and every day we both cook clean. Done. Sweep -- like as we do it all again. I think that's great but. Do you think you're the exception rich that if you call -- -- like you do. I'd do I really do I was raised that way. My mother taught how to enclosed our. Blue. It doesn't matter to work better as a team and. Any thing either of you hate to do that the other one. Doesn't mind so much in does. Yes she can't stay in the I got the if indeed it can we just trying to suck it up and do. And semis dedicated Donna rich. Pay out -- collar really do. And -- -- day I writes a Dr. Manny what happens in the case like that where they're do and it together but. You know all of a sudden one and one person has higher standards and the other and the united decode the old white gloves syndrome but. You do everything you can you think it's great then all all it can happen is the other person comes up inserts nick -- again. Approach is working his way toward its way and maybe at different standards of what we considered who truly clean her what did you completely done. It -- In the cases of -- what began talking about -- that the blacks may actually Atlanta allergy and it may be incredibly comfortable Arctic what year. He may not like it because leading over catching up and it you know -- -- -- that way. But he -- -- at the allergy and therefore my view at least here in Indian. It speaks to. I mean it's certainly. A great relationship -- issues that could achieve that you were equally -- HTTP. And -- Over all that and I think that that -- -- much at the relationship over all. A much -- as much as the coach he's in between partners. But he players there are minor differences usually because. There's this cooperation overall and shared her overall. It's much heat issue result little difference. Doctor appreciate your time a -- -- ways. Oh thank you.