WWL>Topics>>5-21-14 1:10pm Angela: on married clergy

5-21-14 1:10pm Angela: on married clergy

May 21, 2014|

Angela talks about what it means to be a married member of the clergy with Presbyterian ministers Tom and Lesley Paine, Dr. Carey Long of Northside Baptist Church, and Rev. Fagan Davis, Jr.

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Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

Well first of all another glorious day in our city and I hope you're enjoying it. I think we have three very interesting programs coming up I love our first and I'm so thrilled these people are in studio. It's all about balance and so I want to stay with this. Our second program is going to be one of also great importance and that is so we've heard the BP oil spill and today the big news that town. BP is gonna go to the Supreme Court after it lost its appeal on that circuit. We're going to have the chief. Plaintiff attorney and another attorney and talking about that. And then we're going to be talking with a demographer. And a real estate authority on who is moving into our area are going to be looking at this this wonderful shift. Of but new people and maybe -- some of our our veterans back but it's I think you'll find that very interesting as well. But we begin with what is it like to be in charge of an entire flock of churchgoers. With all their needs and concerns. Then go home and be a husband or wife and raise children. Is being married being a parent helpful when reaching out to your congregation. Does that make you more sensitive more sympathetic. Empathetic. Or can -- be a major distraction. So we're gonna talk to the people who live this every day. Doctor -- long is pastor of North Shore Baptist Church in Slidell he is married with three children aged 75. And eight months. Pastor Tom -- of the parkway Presbyterian Church and his wife presbyterian minister -- plane. They have two children aged 1011. And pastor Tom -- is also a chaplain in the Air National Guard. And pastor -- Davis who has been married for 24 years he has four children ranging in age from eighteen to 34. He is a doctoral student and is a fourth generation minister. He is affiliated with the new Zion Baptist church and back shall -- -- founded by his great grandfather. And with new birth Baptist in New Orleans founded by his grandfather and father. I just wanna say -- Thank you for taking time out of what has to be some of the diseased people -- So that your gonna take a whole -- with this means a lot that we as I was saying to -- We had this conversation in our office and we just sort of thinking how interesting it must be to have the responsibilities. Of ministers. And you do look at yourself -- -- mansion as a leader apparent in the sense to your congregation. And then you have your own life. And you are parenting your children and you have a marriage -- all how how does that work. Would you say that. Let's start with would you say as. Leaders of the church and that image that one hands. Makes it that you arm. It was a stricter on your children but did you may expect more from them. Not well -- I think the congregation definitely you feel the congregation expects more from them. That there pastor's children nation. Behavior all the time and they should be at every event all the time I think that we may be imposing that that no one's actually universe and that. But I don't think that we eat we understand that there -- children of two past terms. And so that maybe everyone is looking that and we tell them everyone is looking at EU. You're kind of in a fishbowl. You have to just do what's best for use and so we may be imposing the ideals on them that everyone else expects more far. Think she's right in a lot of senses and I was a pastor did and now serving as pastor. I'm. A little -- on my kids. -- -- and they get the whole governor and the church after idea and I try to. Try to explain to them look if you guys do that -- anything that today you can't woman of that history it's not a -- you know follows along with you when you do that so. -- room like it. Yeah and -- -- also the the Bible also makes the almost a requirement. Four passes to have families and had children and in first amid the of the third chapter 127 talks about they should be able to route their homes. -- children all our gravitated toward them with honor respect. And so -- thought some of like god expects. The pastor over his flock they have experience. Running the home of managing his home in a golf fashion. Before -- can even take care of the of his house so that's almost a requirement. To have a family. As well as. A family church if you want. To two run gonna talk -- also -- the. Worship you know it's interesting and listen to you and you are again fourth generation. Minister -- so that was I mean. You were in the fish hook. Way back and it was your father and as -- grand absolutely it was interesting because I remember -- off than. I'll walk into church a church was about a block away from my home and I grew up. And it was almost like he was instilled in me what his father instilled in him. And what migrate my great grandfather instilled into my grand for that is we take the worst -- seriously and that and the Bible talks about it you know. A man should teaches children day and night about the word and I guess he's preparing. -- -- To to. To grow the family trees could really the that the church is a family that's -- really and so you can increase and nurture and develop bureau -- home ground. Then you prepared to develop. Gotham enough to my father did not since he got it from Hezbollah and when he talked about the damage three yen. And we've mentioned about the establishment of churches and in the ruling government Louisiana actually you know what. This started way back this just installed with him and I started to -- in -- before. I think it is top you know being -- -- -- children children clergy because you know they had. They grow up in the church they spend so much more time in the church and the spotlight and for them to discern from an early age what's appropriate home vs what's appropriate at the church. They have to learn fast and so it puts more pressure on them. Do they ever say. Gerri Willis it's tough on me because you're the big cheese at the church. They have that don't especially when charges over and everybody else is gonna go home we're still working nonstop and -- -- -- -- you know and I think that's less about what they have to do the month Tom Mastny. You know how come everybody else gets to go for Mother's -- lunch and we're still -- and a prayer request target people that need to be canceled all those things. It's not so much and I two children. Our expert at that point they're kind of on their own Lara that is -- everybody in the churches there and tear at their Grammy. Are there and grandfather and they watched them while. He's doing market so it's more bad they have to understand that there are more expectations on us that the clock doesn't hit 5 o'clock or whenever and -- doesn't have a job anymore for another eight hours or whatever. That is the expectation is on the pastor much less than the children I think to be somewhere. You were also -- pastor's son Brett didn't so you lived in the national right then and did you get that same message from him. Oh yeah. And he was he was. He was that you -- -- -- Iraq reminded me that that guys are on you whether it was at the church or whether it was a home. In -- -- to the point -- you know and don't put yourself in certain situations where. Where you know deter people are gonna talk you know so I was I was always conscious of of people all around me to say it's funny because I've gone through the grocery store and -- -- tell Earl saying hey the year years so it's -- son and my code so. Depending on opening and got good stuff on the belt yeah -- -- And Angela that challenge. I can experience it -- grandfather's name was revenue Edward Davis he hit six on. Not at his sons became pastors. -- ministers that I know. But that third the second generation and a plethora of ministers. And one was. Several in New Orleans. And now on this generation we have more so that the challenge sometimes that I fine that I'm living with the minister is that. How do you have legitimate -- and that's that the challenge because. Our kids go to school they in the community and mean do you know we don't want to do everything that the world but the same time the Q. Needs to have -- at target the talent for us and for the children of ministers is to have clean fun and let -- -- that can be done. And maintain your integrity as the family of god in a challenging mr. And he's the congregation and at the same time that it is not just your kids with their kids to restaurant and and that's what we're we're gonna take a break and come back and I'd like to talk about. The influence that when you are counseling -- of the people -- your congregation. And you hear the sad things in May be facing. With their children how that affects you and your child stay with us we'll be right back. While we're talking to some local on ministers doctor Kerry long that was the pastor at northside Baptist Church in Slidell. Pastor Tom -- parkway presbyterian and his wife who was also a presbyterian minister -- -- And pastor Fagan date this -- Is pastor -- actually to Georgia's new Zion Baptist. In bachelor Louisiana and new birth Baptist in New Orleans and we're talking about life as ministers. Trying to raise your own families and and again I'm sure you do counsel people in your congregation who are having issues with their children drugs alcohol in the all the ills of society today and I'm just curious how that influences perhaps how you are. Trying to raise your children are are are you more sensitive to things. And here's a very young have an idea. I'm sensitive and since then. That try to protect them from. Getting into certain things. But as far as genetic counseling and stuff carries its. It still puts me in a little awkward situation around because you know sellers certain people in certain instances that when your kids haven't reached that yet just wait till they get to that age. But I've I've spent so many years working with teenagers and and I have that experience that kind of kind of helps from a from a mentor standpoint and you know it gives me a little bit of assistance and I count them but as far as minor concerned -- -- They they're too young to necessarily be in in to a whole lot of that so fun and opening night here tomorrow pre pre teens. And yes -- the you know one of the things that are really believes that god brings people together for a reason and it's fascinating to me the number of times that -- challenges that we face. We've had friends in the congregation that -- face similar challenges and then you know we've been through experiences that we've been able to help them I think god gives everybody different gifts and brings our courses together for a reason and so just. Being that did not only don't feel like I have the opportunity to help people that they help. Well that's that's the beauty that's the beauty and not only that but the new life. And in my case in every case in my. Families is through it with passes with what was always there to support. The -- that. And the minister and the pastor. By making sure that you know raise the correct way so that takes a lot of pressure off. The man of god in my case and it and encouraged to children. The followed the follow the lead in in doing was right in common principles of -- so for the mother so -- that it's always. Both parents involved and in the raising that that helped take the parents of kids but you bring. A very important part that you all are married so you have relationships. That I'm sure you want to Foster is well if you Foster your your children. I don't know how you do all that you do and I'm not going to belabor it with with our audience but it's incredible what you're doing in your life. Do you have time for each other do you have dates do you say you know what this is our prime time. He should tell them that they greedy. And -- that. We we had a program called a great dates at our church where we. Went for the preschool we have a preschool and are that it's part of our church and and also ridden schools cross street from us here on park. And when we would offer to him is as tonight where. We would offer short class and then we would offer child care so that the parents could go out together on Davidson. And we participated in -- and all of. -- -- it was a bad. A better marriage and it lasts about thirty minutes. And then they would have childcare for what is at three hours three hours. -- so that was our date night as well deserved little trick that we did get a free money -- I and then we also got to meet some other parents because. And just a friend you not being exactly friends the same way as you are with other people when Europe when you have a congregation that you work went. You do that you accidentally end up with close friends any way but there's still needs to be some kind of distances so just to have friends that are just. Parents like cute. Kept that same and it really did just widened at night a month for eight months of the year -- school year. That we could get and just be common mostly. Tom unless let's go to general and I -- moving right this is beautiful and that's that's so hard to keep because we're all such passionate people in and I know in my life probably listen right now and need it. We don't say no I mean it's very hard effort yes to -- -- exactly tell her name is Bernard offer us to say no -- obligations or to passions that we haven't ministry. And so we've we've just got to. We you know at times like this week we're we're cross some paths in here and there shouldn't and we night and then we've got to -- we've got to just say all right well now we're. We're gonna take some time and and luckily we're at a point where we've got grandparents and they they just they're able to take over and and help us out for a couple hours or an evening. We're we're blessed with I don't know so many pastors and ministers who don't have that luxury to have somebody that. To help with their yes children because you are lower calling you -- -- right which is a great thing. Yeah I I didn't have Graham parents. My kids coming out the kind older now. But I had the extended family that would watch your kids and wife and component to it from the crews actually that. 77 day cruise and out. My brother came into Virginia and months this is the -- I'll watch my kids and they had a good time to be had the opportunity to go out and spend some time ago that at least seven days and it was beautiful. Well I just -- Again he says yeah. She is already planned that trip you know -- -- -- -- autonomy in the Air National Guard as well is that he has a deal portola parkway. It Air National Guard -- two weeks a year and two weekends are too -- and days a month. And so that eats out has some of his free Sundays. And it's we were it to goes somewhere we have to be back from the sun is just we have Albert as. Our year's release canceled but we'd try to make a conscious effort. Tom calls me that queen of the calendar. I mean jokes all the time of coming up queen of the counter what is that we're supposed to be doing on such a subsidy. And there's the parkway calendar there's Air National Guard counted as both of children have a calendar I have a -- mean. I know it's it's crazy bad. We have different colors is color corn is a good. Thanks and their lives elder that we know we can't go on vacation it goes -- Sunday. The longest we communication with them and really working it is -- Says you try to work patents and we commit to that and we will not give that up and and it really is biblical. The idea of Jesus taking restaurants and some -- -- gonna go off on the hill and be by yourself or. You're gonna Burnett and Sabbah that you -- not teaching your congregation and the thing about -- if you eat out column. So -- they carve out some space in the calendars sometimes McCann and Thomas. Kind of specialists that suicide prevention so when people column B nine your son's getting. -- now. And he's for him but someone also saying I'm taken a bunch of pills and it's not you know that the children have to understand it. -- has to leave -- that. So you do have except. Did -- we did something at teenagers now with coming up in my father was administered insert. And by the way I'm one of these social ministers at -- not be -- pastor on the path or inside. But my cousin and I whose knowledge to be actually as teenagers. Justice so that you know kids can also learn and just take some. Initiative in and in the gospel and in ministry we instituted at at -- that the first a picnic. And it still goes on today it was a picnic established back in seventies and because thug wanna get together but I was sentenced to members and some of the young people in the church and had a picnic and so. That was that was great betting that encouraged. Markets had earlier. The Christian kids doing things that is that it's considered clean and reputable in the sight of god and so. They kits to have a responsibility just to think of ways to encourage one another to do things that. Won't. Embarrass. Or other as the minister. Though that how it goes it its entire family it's possible to live. A -- life not just the past. That was a -- -- that -- have to break for news but stay with this as a I'm fascinated with your lives we'll be right back over talking about the life of those who. Run our churches and we are joined by doctor -- long who was pastor at northside Baptist Church in Slidell. A pastor Tom -- apartment presbyterian his wife found. Leslie -- also presbyterian minister and pastor -- Davis a pastor of news I'm -- Fisher co pastor pastor pastor who's on that church and measures yes and also affiliated with new birth Baptist here in the world. Interesting wonderful lives I know you worked so hard. And yet you also work in an area. And others do more counselors as veterans it and as you just sent -- You get the call somebody's in trouble and that is a very. Emotional emotionally draining event and yet you're the one they're focused on and they need your help. How do you then. Go back to that you've had days like that if not weeks like that. Trying to help people. Where you are during and go back and try to be happy standard happy -- -- Well you know what I think back is of hurt in Isaak when I got to serve at the guard. And they'd they -- decide we don't know how long we're going to be gone and you know and then -- in the honor of doing that. And work with some great folks and then having to step back and try to explain my kids everywhere I've been what I have been doing because it wasn't part of the regular schedule and lose. It was interesting but they understood and they're kind of used me punching out -- sometimes. Just on our son was only two months old Tom deployed with the actual air force when Imus gone for Batman six months. So that had been the star of our son's life so he knew that there was all this going to be. Some circumstances. But not it's not deployment so. You know three weeks or whenever it was with Isaac was way less than six months to be gone -- into. And just a pastor -- my -- experience you know really getting called into the hospital at any hour of the keynote tonight you know so there's always -- a point where we can and we we might not know. Ten minutes before we're going to be gone we're going to be on in the family adjusted. And I think I think in that moment you know with with the surprises that come four or. Challenges with with church members things and I think in that moment the hard thing is keeping your focus on what's most important. There's so many different things that people think about and administers job as you know most voters think tell your your preaching at 3040 minute -- -- -- -- and but all these other stresses that way in actually take your focus off of what most people see you do and which you know is it's presented gospel is a very important part of our job. We had all these other things so many times stress us and and take our attention that our devotion away from some reason the bounces just. It's -- it's. But even the very good point of your running -- church you are an administrator. Right I -- you have budget you have to go you know hopefully the committees and things. Can help. But you're still running nose. It is just this Sunday thirty rights -- yeah. -- you know do you correct Angela. And back when Jesus called his first disciples. They were all businessman. And they either and that one with the doctor good -- imagine positions and -- in this practice to go and that's but the gossip but but the part that I'm making is that. They knew how to administer and manage. Not only -- business blood individuals that they were responsible for. So here with at the pastor. God expects them the man of god to to be able to to manage. All of those multitasking. The events in his life. Because. He doesn't want in on idol just at the rock he. Picked those who are actually working in and in the business are have a profession and now they can transpose those. Those those skills into the church the church is is a family of us on the face. Before we lose one of our pastor you know just go get the bus so he can pick up the kids. What is the best part of your life as a minister. I. Say see -- people's lives changed you know there's there's nothing greater than. The NC and that person did it for the first time that that they can do and it they can't fix themselves on their own that they have to. They have to see Christ as a solution to their problem. Salmon and just seeing him. Commit to make a lifestyle. Of life changing in Christ is. His as the greatest joy you can see Amy makes all those late nights and all those. There's schedule conflicts and noon even even with things where we miss certain things we wanna be a part of our family makes. -- -- Stay with us everyone we're gonna continue -- trial with the ministers would discuss -- to go pick up the kids in the bus we'll be right back. Well doctor -- long is on yourself but getting ready to pick up the kids and I think that says volumes last night he was coaching when the -- football games. It all goes back to. The balance of life. Among ministers who are so committed. Ultimately to helping other people. And yet you have your own families in your own lives you know marriages. And so I'd love listening to the balance that you all have not -- did everything is perfect but. I'll I'll remember tonight about a great day and that is such a wonderful idea I think other. Other people should think that ash fueled the same thing I asked him. What is the best part. Of your ministry of of why you chose which you do it. -- -- for me the best part of just the diversity of people achieve did the that we get to meet in the church. Parkway. I always say different churches have to forgets their gift -- hospitality and one of the things that they've done. Ever since Katrina is welcome mission groups and we just had a church from Naperville Illinois come down. And and help rebuild a house in the Ninth Ward and so I get to meet all those folks and then in the gifts that neighboring. And and also just knew when when I get the server Louisiana National Guard the diversity of people. The demographic changes it in the church has more females as older go on the garden it's more male in his younger folks at and so does good the diversity of people get to work witnesses disagree -- You know I. Under the belief that. We called look we may not be chosen to go on that's gone into -- -- in my my father. He had to actually. It takes sick before my mother realized. -- She called his name Billy was his name to see what you gonna do and and he he. Submitted to the call of the ministry. I think the best thing that the greatest part of it is that you're in a position. That is the greatest. Position in the world because you can you have to reach. The lowest of those who someone who's homeless and highest of highs the judges prime ministers and even the president's because. They all need to hit the gospel and so. The best point is that she had to reach and can reach. An array of disciplines and in people so you come across a lot of different. Personalities and opinions and yet they have gone on his side too convinced him that the Bible -- Truth. -- pain presbyterian minister but we were talking in the break you before that you were a professional photographer. Isn't literally in which I'm sure you enjoyed it at some level. You still do and and bright helping all the kids right now but. Is there literally. They calling. Oh absolutely acting thank god gives staff from people different camps. And when you see someone match up what they're calling. He will you grass and what -- what we loved about it is seen the light bulb go off in them and it when you realize. That everyone has calling and that to me that's my call and as to convince everyone that they haven't calling him it's not to be a presbyterian minister necessarily. Although we would love that. But it could be could be the best answer could -- -- of that be the best friend that could be there's some saying. That god is calling us all to do. And that you know that its repayment God's calling you to do when other people Furman and when it's a positive thing you know they'll say what would Jesus do. Mean if it's something that you believe god is calling you to do they would have to be a positive thing for -- as -- convinced they're supposed to be doing something. This actually destructive. But they're calling us not to that and when they see the light when they see. What really is there calling. All that just fades away and the the love of god feels from that they say this is a different feeling that I have never felt before. And it happens to people of all ages I used to think moment I would be able to talk to people my age but I've also got. Kids in Sunday school class as women and women circles of their. From you know three years old that you're talking to up to 93 years old and when you see that -- eight. Where -- it might not be there calling in life but there's something went often send. I never thought god love -- that way I never thought a -- gone in the way that you're talking. Nothing feels better to me in the whole world the best it's got some joy. It is -- to me it is much as it's an honor to lead worship I enjoyed teaching classes more because there's interaction people can ask you questions and others. -- -- to and fro going that you don't get when you're the only one up there you know earlier you people are talking so. And the key is to get those in the congregation and the membership. You always remember that whatever you do in life would have you believe -- calling is. To give god the glory and that's that's without a mission and our purpose is that we emphasize that went out Jesus Christ. And you would have that talent to do you wouldn't be able to do -- you able to do so whenever you do it. Whatever it's indoor -- -- I give god the glory and given the brazen he would continue to bless you and in that way. How are you you had mentioned it in your church it's it's primarily women more women than men or women in Norman and there are meant. How do you encourage people to come into. Flock. That's always the challenge particularly in this day and age in particular were younger people you know because every everybody's. It seems like everybody's is not just ministers everybody's schedules are so jam packed by the time people get to the weekend. They've got tons of things that they need to take care of and so convincing them that is going to help build him up to be in God's house and that. You know one of the best things that they're gonna do is that they meet the different people they're gonna meet that church that's that's what were always trying to you know to get the word out and -- it. Had the doors it's not just what goes on for the 1 hour on Sunday morning I have many are here and church bank. That will be good will we go out into the world suit that. -- we're not gonna meet nearly as many people as the 150 people from park where whichever church it is. That each one of them would have to reach out as well because a pastor's only gonna come in contact with so many people. We might -- -- like we might come in contact more with homeless people than some other people do but they might come in contact with more business people or. People in the grocery store than we do bet that we aren't we try to teach everyone. It's was at goes outside the church as well it's not that we need to build up parkway -- parkway has to be 4000 members but then. Each member could meet over a lifetime 4000 people and talk to them about how much god loves them. And so that's the purpose. And the definition of the family because if you take in the in the traditional family you know the man and wife. They have children and then they have children and they get married have children so that the found that it expands and so. Got spam is no different the flock is is really responsible to not only teach their children. And bring their children into church but then their children's children also have friends and have relatives and they bring him into that -- and so. You let them know that you have a spot responsibility Colonia as the pastor to to spread the gospel but you need to go back into the communities. And to -- school into your home. Ending coverage skills -- to come back as well and so that's what. That's that's a challenge as well and and and. You know my hybrid experience being in the military and a civilian. You know one of the things in the chapel that by its necessity brings not only different church different faith groups together and I always think the missed potential. In the community is churches you'll have -- right downstream from one another hardly talked to each other and we need to get together work together and interact together because each of us has different have -- there. You know that's that's a good point we just had a -- revival and the Paris appoint compete and I was -- to host the first reliable which was the Monday before Easter. And then priest to suck and reliable which was Tuesday and in the -- that he went a third church revival so it was the entire Parris coming together to. Promote this. This revival parish wide -- it was several charges that's and that's what's so beautiful about it the all of God's children. We have this thing together that we happen to remember that. Christian is just another name for an army. That's what they're almost considered the prison they were fanatics they were crazy about this Jesus and -- parliament on me and we are on me real and that's that's for Christ and so. We almost buying what we have in common and that will be have different as boys the gospels. I cannot thank you I feel like that the generals who I thought the you all are terrific and I really appreciate you being here today and to house the one thing the one of the kids doctor -- long. Pastor Tom -- his wife presbyterian minister less -- thing and thing. Thank you very very much we'll be back and justice. Love talking to those ministers just and uplifted. Stay with us were going to be talking the very latest in the BP oil spill claims process and with its.