WWL>Topics>>9-5 9:10am Tommy, can you forgive a cheater?

9-5 9:10am Tommy, can you forgive a cheater?

Sep 5, 2014|

Tommy talks to Dr. Karen Ruskin, licensed marriage therapist & author of the upcoming book "10 Seconds to Mental Health," about cheating and forgiveness

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Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

And not bad right now. I'd Dave Dave Johnson with the call -- as for the day but for the week in you know we have a month. They -- monitor in here and I'm watching Michael Strahan and Kelly yeah. And strange and now he's not even listening game obviously he's not even try -- a -- and -- and it looked like he was Lincoln but they're going to be serving over Fox's Sunday. You it's kind of like sad because the guy is making so much money. Is that cutie doesn't even have to do anything and it just the checks just sit and any similar Mike yeah Mike you redeemed in another couple million dollar trichet are -- And there. The look on his face was that he was wondering if there and any more than it's chicken -- cats yup exactly bring them or she's gotten it and he's yapping and he's thinking about march from -- or months manages. Yeah I'll tell me where. It's gone out there again cited Syria's next boy it's it's kind of like straddles. Idaho with that little part of the top are only part Idaho and it's directly to the west of north and South Dakota north of Wyoming it's a big stake in Butte Montana you know the temperature there is. 32 degree -- would not feel good on hot this goes to show -- my life is like this this is my hobby this I go to the iPhone I've put in different cities is he with the temperature is and try to find cooler places than here. That's what it's come to god Tommy really worry about and I enjoy. I don't. Why now -- 32 degrees right now in Butte Montana that's scares me did you enjoy -- don't know bulldozers to do in view and other than. If it does scary and enjoy that. They probably got a replica could be the plane's final well maybe I'll do that maybe this weekend you know -- -- -- up biography. And -- -- On the other you know -- out quite as hot weekend their money makes some wings while I do it. Now you know we watch in LA issue and -- -- two -- on the Red Sox game and and forecasts National Hurricane Center an area of low pressure associated with a tropical wave in the Atlantic Ocean as of 7 o'clock at days 7 this morning. System's producing disorganized cloudiness thunderstorms near and south of the -- birdie islands you know those I'll -- those great birdies. Again. But anyway this and it's got a low chance of developing you know tropical depression within 48 hours 30% chance within five days it's. On long way down deep -- a little rancher down they're just chop that thing right down the side if you look at the cone of probability you seen in -- on Tuesday night -- -- -- You wouldn't seem to be anything we have to worry it's up. It's dear you know which of football we spent three hours on that but these changing stories always fascinating because yet Kristen Stewart now that have been absolutely need that I think was a vampire. Once in a vampire Alice -- and yen and -- changed in new -- drag them and see them. Mr. guy with a woman. What they're out doll I don't know teaching I'm tired and are thought does sort of was about. The twilight that she cheated. Know in real life not that cannot know and realize that she cheat with a woman. One I I must have this story did you get that I haven't confused -- another celebrity. I think it's something you wish would happen is what I. Anyway she. -- with a guy in the -- for this guy publicly forgave both of them and say you know why at the mistakes happen people aren't you tired. And I just wanna know first off if you could forgive somebody that cheated on you -- depends on how much you love staffs. Or maybe how how edu war. -- how addicted you are -- them exactly that you'll put up with any exactly my point and if you do it where it is to go from there and I think the other question here is. If I fool around with a married woman and I'm single. MI cheating. Because. I'm not attached. And she can make their own decisions. And then from the husband standpoint the husband that's been cut cold did. Which I believe comes from Shakespeare in his -- legal term. And should he be man added his wife. Or the guy with whom she cheats because I always Odland demanded that guy -- edit your wife because if she's not willing nothing's gonna happen -- I'd be pretty upset. You know we need David somebody to clear all of this up. So why don't go to doctor Karen Ross and I -- our friend a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of tactic aaron's marriage manual assuming she sat through all of this. -- she got a new book coming out ten seconds to mental health. Morning doctor. -- hear music come in non. I'm content and that that. You'd. Think you're on the outlook -- -- -- I may -- You. Hey here's deal how about you do is a psychotherapy and will produce a show -- -- that. He's been here. 94 -- let's let's give this Asia and now here and to solve all of the problems our friend. The the author of the marriage manual ladies and gentlemen welcome if you will here to save the day. Not being carried -- Now that Clinton -- that's the. I Jordan right and then if you will that is doctor Karen Redskins official theme music canyon. I don't do that every time attribution. What would greatly. Today time always always a pleasure to be on your show. And -- -- sharing with your listeners about my new book coming out and technical help. Arizona it was all about really ten seconds and that'll help. Right the whole thing is that some I have 200 plus. Mental health tip that every day you read one set for the constitutes ticket ten seconds to -- -- All peaked at ten seconds to read it. And you change because once you have depicted here -- something -- -- -- you just sit on -- I know it's not that simple but that's the concept. A telling number 138 would be such spending all of your time picking lint out of your naval. I don't inflicting his background that is not one of the can't. But saint. How many. 200. May be -- and bankable books. I it's a win do we look for that to come out. That's coming out in the next. Two months. -- in about two months if you know some of the follow me on Twitter app can rest in her feet but that the camera in its. It's really easy obviously I'll keep posting it right there are you know my web site and -- and newsletter that the camera and dot -- Can't and that's the URE and RUS and. You know you're lucky because the timing of that would would make it a great Christmas present I guess just coincidental it's coming out November. Saying he. Exactly right before that news here start making your resolution. Is really a lifestyle change. -- -- you don't. I tell me about this Kristen Stewart announces she's going around the man guy in the wife. The man with whom she was cheating comes out publicly for gives them. And just wonder how difficult it is how do you draw the line between all of this is David Blake tonight -- -- in. Between loving somebody and being so addicted to them are being so dependent on them. That even though they hurt you -- one of the the the worst -- ways possible. That -- you forgive him you know -- loving memory if you just depend at all. Did you forget them. Well -- so I impairs their that they met so many Koppel fit through the past twenty something years. I think a little -- -- means there are men and our women. Cool there is a dependency and that have played the very significant role in terms of why they forgive but that there are -- two. Not depend -- our independent south. On the money is not the issue. The issue you bet they are able technique and but the heat here and that is why people are able to forget that they. -- it and -- so for example let's say you talk we can -- about why they cheated in the about shares slipped and that he felt that -- relationship restricting apartment that had not been intended. In the month that they LeBron need to connect. Sometimes they felt unloved and national they felt that they had communicated with their house for months and months about how they felt like things were not doing he felt that. There you know -- for -- has been. -- not spewing their point for the army and the -- while the fact is that about to being your mystery afterward once it comes without the cheating going on. There's actually guilt factor which they actually recognize the role that they played not their. Not their fault is he Chile -- I EP that no matter what's going on in a parent is always the trade sheet. And it should not be going on I do not agree with that I think coupled it could communicate calls for help in achieving the fact is though that. -- -- and the behavior that is odd thing to me is there any significant factor with somebody being able to get this out. Bible then you would think and I'm just you know playing devil's advocate here if okay. This is gone on now was gone on -- -- there's never reason Ford but did -- these are the underlying circumstances. All I can maybe say the other person goes and cheats because the underlying circumstances. The -- is -- cheated on to begin with did did did you understand Thomas and then. Yet it is the only trigger advocated strictly for anything can make excuses for being polite person that's something. It makes it completely 100% totally wrong. Answer the question of why is it that somebody for his or can somebody forget. I'm sharing with -- what I've been here. Is reported by people which is. Because of the fact that they're able to make sense until now that it's one of the reasons that you mentioned earlier you're right that's also a component as. -- you know it picked his net -- There's also worry this year these first you know -- what happens if not together anymore what is my life -- like and there are a lot component. Some people are able to be compartmentalized. Meaning they can put in a box. The -- out there now not in -- about is that and so and other Whitney you know that they -- for their -- for all of their other positive qualities. And they need to -- cheating. That perhaps be heated -- doesn't define this out. Ball in the why some people can't forget where there are needed to be key. -- I get a tax it comes in Tommy time now my wife of 26 years had two affairs I can forgive never forget. Would never take her back. So if this man and yankees is that wife of this man. Had not found out about the affairs they would still be married on up they'd be happier not -- the the -- decided to straighten herself cloud. In terms of being faithful isn't always better to confess and and get an all out on -- table if it was just. And I hate to say indiscretions one mistake keep it to yourself. All that well -- kind of like you want it if you want to have. A -- buildup in your head cleric grows like cancer and eat actually emotionally and physically. Affect your relationship and saying -- -- In this case stock McCarron an element of right now only to answer when we come back and guys out of town. And has too much to drink and and -- makes a mistake in his gets whatever did drunken. Has is judgment otherwise impaired. And he's got a wife and he's got kids at home and he knows what it's gonna do to his whole family would Peter's wife. He never plans on doing this again. So he thinks we know what they -- reality is this never ever happen. I know it's a mistake it will never happen again. The better thing for everybody is just don't say anything you can answer when we come back to Yemeni comments or questions to 60187. Until 3866. 889087. And it may be easier for you. Did text your questions in and we'll get to those as well like this and after 22 years of marriage. My wife has suggested an open marriage should I worry. I would think so we'll -- with not to clearances when we come back under the W. Here is saved the day dike repair and rusty and licensed marriage and family therapist author of doctor parents' marriage manual. As he has a book coming out just in time for the holidays that might make a great -- -- -- 10s2 -- mental health and it's a little 102 tip. Each day that'll that'll Nokia. It will keep you from going crazy base as well it -- So I -- a question before doctor Kerry and then an up and needed to recap for people didn't hear the question was. And the response is. -- To do YouTube mean. That you acted at that at -- Not -- is pure cheating indiscretions. Happened one. And never ever to do it can't judge it wasn't -- your attitude as she has yet he. Wasn't paired -- well on. Its way to see the dictionary that I. Counts drinking habit one nightly that you need to get a life the other way it might back account at a link which definitely. -- married and two parts part one now I'd like to tell. That the leadership hell part two is likely to educate about the options that would person to make their own decision -- action action well here it. Through the years I've heard some quiet but either way that they want to know they'd rather you know -- destroyed then. Say they rather not know sell your ego. For some -- and how well. It'll be helped be destructive to your queries. You do you know that information might -- you forever because of the fact that it. Which -- now that you become public about the architecture. The -- and -- -- know -- -- -- -- Not telling them. -- -- And -- -- out of the great. Date without mistake on the -- You don't tell there's a possibility it becomes so self destruct if you'd like cancer. Negatively that you track it's about and the political out there and be able to -- -- And truth be -- really too. Point that you. Better. Not from. Some -- every person has the right. To make that decision and information to share. Well and then it seems though it gets even more complicated because. Kids depending on the appropriateness of the age of one month talking bad about Daniel went -- talking bad about mom but. If they -- -- you guys split now well because you know Dan advancements in time with a filthy -- when he was out of town and I don't think you want relatives that day. Now it's very difficult because that is the problem that is up and that was particularly young pitcher who who need it to older. Where it appeared bill hurt knowing the information and trying to -- if -- decision which is like tell it in reality. That they appear date which will affect kids or do you protect them from the reality and then I don't understand why there's. Disharmony why they're yelling like it's been a lot you can possibly -- -- So eating difficult -- you can attack the situation you have to make a decision that is typical one actor had to be handled things but -- much to share giving actually act. But for the most part it. Don't talk -- on track. -- -- Yeah it's a commendable. You know they know how. They give them either eat you can think being able to say that problem relationship -- trying to work through it reality the same beatle the details. Not necessarily the right thing to -- -- more time. Yeah I was on Tommy you know that I mentioned apple forgive or forget and whoever can go back I want to comment on. Can you do after the news. I'm very good tactic Aaron Skinner gas and a lot of people texting in. Questions and issues and I can understand you'd rather do that then. And -- your voice and rating agency into next year question for tactic here in rusty and very few day 8787. You know passed them along to right now. -- issues. And that is. Scripture I -- David -- -- offers -- thank you David spending some interesting time as always with that McCarron rust you know licensed marriage and family therapist and author of doctor. Right parents' marriage manual and in an upcoming bulletins and mental health. And doctor Karen -- does -- -- you pixie cute you know -- -- you've been on. Maybe use of your basking in the afterglow of your real cutie but -- about -- -- you down. Decline in national Fox News. That is up also. Coming up on MTT. I've been -- Like time on every network on the happening with that here in Massachusetts. Called aspect cannot -- is bought my post all the at the -- episode on you know be -- through their -- on my web site and it's really -- idea that fine. I -- my. Time I love being a bit at select another economic data is actually seen a client's real people at my office here and chairman at. -- let me get back to the -- you wanted to address. Tommy found out my wife of 26 years had two affairs I can forgive never forget would never take her back. But to protect. It is really good example for some. People you can no longer see the eyes of which is up and even -- he can forget the people decide you know call for them by. O'Keefe from meet the person anymore and again is ultimately that person's decision to did not write the -- people state and people. There you go back if I want to get that. I Jordan to -- to put me -- appears she's married I don't think there's anything wrong with me telling America lady she's a cutie isn't. Eight and had been married for twenty years you know how he get complement their always appreciate the appropriate nothing inappropriate. I'd. To Tony two years of marriage this text says. My wife has suggests in an open marriage should I worry. What me worry. In one. -- -- my ankle. A couple of companies talk about. Now. I'm -- to keep it front right. Ron Allen their community work if people want time active. -- -- -- relationship. Select. Edition only. And if somebody suggest that it would you think maybe they've they've already. You know maybe decided opened into world themselves. On -- Not always actually dictate. The eye contact with some idiot some sometimes that the justice happen. For the person actually went out but sometimes they actually have went out on their own and now suggesting. I had enough this is from a man or woman but it says a man is only as faithful as his options it is area. Did predetermined or or do more men cheat than women I guess when trying to ask -- OK the members statistic is about being -- court and more men -- and women but whether or not that's actually true. You know you can only -- based on statistics -- there at the end. Two nor did they do you rate. Absolutely not no -- on which cheating and never was text says. It went on and on I ended up cheating she never knew we separated went to counseling she cheated and left me few months. -- back in his guilt I want her bag and understand -- she did the things she did I can't confess my part. Played all I can say is I understand and forget. So on Netherlands for advice there are just on you what happened. You know people just wanna -- where -- -- it sounds like that president -- whether that so. -- -- You -- the other girl growing up next to my daughter went places with Terri and her ex husband. She played with my daughter's children how could this little -- not considered as guilty as the husband was so apparently today. Away here we go my daughter is married to a man the same tax. Whom she had two children with he had left her for -- watched grow up since they lived right next Stewart to our. And is the girl who -- I mean -- it is happening guess what he saw you know in any signs. That -- situation. You know close proximity sometimes people end up with each other just by appear close proximity NC. -- considered an emotional affair before it ever becomes physical and or sexual because they become really close. In that case though the fact sounds like. Like the the person much younger that they its account ugly account had been just hated that my neighbor it sounds like the other person was younger and watch them grow up -- that -- it was. I think so again yeah. It did at 30 we're together and the two women thought they were friends of woman. That GD whatever you call the woman who's cheating with the other woman's husband playing with the kids and it seemed like everything's platonic and and they wouldn't. Yeah -- -- -- -- so close to be frank with you okay and I'll say it now didn't approach -- about getting. The difference and even -- -- may -- -- strength and the couple collapse together to play and demand -- -- -- it would have a then. Remember it. -- share you're about. Is that the difference between -- -- across the line too friendly and he beat up and who aren't there. To quote -- quarters you wanna be out is that not your friend. Is that still mindful. Men and women can be but only so all -- And along those lines if you know Ali I got a friend he's a guy but I -- -- he just listens Tammy and I got a friend she's a girl gorgeous Franzen. And she just listens to me I maintain that you only have so much conversation and you knew he had a problem work it out with your spouse is no need to bring our party. Yeah I don't mind that you find that -- spending more time with your other gender friend sharing your. -- stay in the Clinton and happiness feelings which regards to your about. With the other gender and back. Warning -- -- baby that. Unique effect confronting the reality is about playing with our economic -- it will cause conflict and it's hard to talk about it. Do you continue to talk with the other -- in overtime. You really instill a patch that dispersant is not a great list and Iraq and the effect -- -- so positively and before you know. You're spending your emotional -- on the other friend. And I'm working on your marriage. Doctor can't tell you a much respect and appreciate your time and get a Mexicans in cutie seriously sexes condescending fool. I'll let I'll -- in you don't perceive me as Andy. Very interesting perspective. There somewhere and -- -- and -- do you view that behavior how you communicate with me. Inappropriate. And I get a perspective and elect. And it doesn't other women -- will be there when I feel really critical that. They might say your exit on just how viable how I experienced men might work with men on my upbringing my experience that. I really fine didn't complement and fine and Philly and I really feel OK but it but it doesn't mean it's right for all women all the time. Right it was between you and I was here publicly in and in. -- Doctor Karen thank you so much. I got it back to -- dot com I think it is -- -- at ten seconds of mental health new book coming out and backed parents' marriage manual and we will take your calls. When we come back under the W. I -- and go forward and run in Carrollton and oh by the way doctors doctor redskins' web site is doctor. Karen Ruskin dot com. A running -- hydrant at W out the morning. Good on a term outlook for the since the program is that different topic -- I'll have been married for forty years with eight kids. And we get below rule my wife and I only channel -- parents. How little as if one of them does not home. We didn't let anyone in town hall so if somebody from the -- and I'm not home -- -- it will -- comeback man -- woman. Of the other -- really not just of the other sex but totally again. Right and it just pump panel confusion. Are we tried not to will be it man if we can't. Because that stipulates that next morning and we have considered out of out deference and now competency to. It sounds like you'll pick the right one but why run and is curious. Did you extended to people of the same sex worries -- on Montague and another guy announced and it imply anything -- No we don't anonymously it is it's a classmate from high school classmate from college banal if we've both apple. You're not commit themselves. Is that about the aid that you replace the sanctity of the home and and you shared completely and totally just like you do everything else and and now we're on their company and I give this this is our place for us and our kids and that's a ways to -- Yet all the person and they keep coming hold on an adult children and can't rancher and it was an apple would only allow content -- companies and no we did it get -- -- -- confused about it -- And if -- is. You know my wife Kamal app the -- -- -- first grade. She's on the ground simple step back come home from being in the kitchen at this ship. On the fumbled on her -- and we just step back and forth in we have the best results when we do. Sound like -- rich man and -- then -- -- do -- money let me ask you this is a shaft on a lighter note when you got eight kids. You can't do is cook one Turkey for Thanksgiving ten. Well I don't wanna -- him in the home. And went in and currently in Iraq more department to do it on the door handle -- don't like Turkey and I'm not a dual role. I would think Soto and to -- thank you Ronald -- today. Goes -- get there right bullets -- about being a rich man I think Ron has found it. Coming back revenues and get ready for Don Dubuque in for garlands thing tank as he usually is. Every Friday under the W. Eight thanks Sheldon and Jordan and Diane and David -- -- all. Another great week and will be back Monday morning of course coming up next it's done to view in the for Garland and the think tank like -- -- on Friday -- is proudly wearing his -- here just to rub it in my script and realism to this problem a school and he should be you know maybe -- championship finals I get them ourselves let's. Now -- -- what happened is when from general won their first. And I want to Shaw told congratulations welcome the club. And then when and when they won their second one well we won't go -- and. We'll be waiting -- club we got like it to -- coming up right at the top of the Al -- on saints. Then we gonna be interrupted by president Barack Obama if he realizes thank thank -- but every Friday seemed to do this momentous event but on that few innings as very special Walt blue jays in the -- talk about the VP fine and settlement. And if we have time we gonna talk about fracking in saint -- Louise channel handles association has told the council back off don't spend taxpayer money fighting. Frankly I. At a press conference coming up at 1030 I don't think he's got a specific subject does the president think he just -- --